Tom Cruise can kiss my a**

I grew up watching Tom Cruise on the big screen and dreaming of the day he'd come rescue me from my mundane life as a teenager in Ohio. Only a die-hard Tom fan would remember his 1983 (not) hit Losin' It (high school boys travel to Tijuana to lose their virginity, and hilarity ensues). And of course I'll never forget sitting in the tiny, darkened movie theater in my home-town watching the (in)famous love scene in Top Gun and melting into my seat. And even recently (recently as in the last 2 years) I was ultra-impressed with the interview he gave James Lipton on Inside the Actor's Studio just before the release of The Last Samurai. But I have to say... this 'new' Tom that has emerged this year, since firing his publicist and hiring his sister (also a Scientologist) to do the job has really, well, turned my stomach. The Matt Lauer interview for me was the last straw.

Just for fun, I went to the official Scientology website and took the personality test that they offer. Some of the questions intrigued me:

Do you consider the modern 'prisons without bars' system doomed to fail?

Do you consider more money should be spent on Social Security?

Do you sometimes give away articles that, strictly speaking, do not belong to you?

Do children irritate you?

Are you ever ill at ease in the company of children? (I certainly hope Tom and Katie answered no to these last two!)

Now I'm sure there's some deeper meaning to all these questions that I'm missing. And I'm almost curious enough about it to go to my closest Scientology center and meet with someone to discuss the results of my personality test (which, by the way, confirmed how mentally flakey I've been thinking I am). If I could pull this off under an assumed identity, so I wouldn't have to worry about them knocking at my door next summer along with the Jehovah's Witnesses in the neighborhood, I'd do it. But, alas, I don't have that much chutzpah.

My guess is that the Tomkats will never read this, but I just have to get this off my chest. Depression is a very real and at times a very serious thing. My son is almost 2, and I'm just now starting to feel the fog of the postpartum depression lift. I'm sure I should've gotten help for this long ago, but I'm just too stubborn for that. But I have great respect for anyone who is willing to stand up and say (in a sense) that they just can't deal sometimes, and seek out the help that's available.

And did I miss Tom getting a uterus somewhere along the line? Because if he hasn't, then he can never truly understand what the woman goes through when she carries and gives birth to a child. My God... the CIA should find some way to replicate those pregnancy hormone surges and mood swings to use on people they're interrogating.

I hope for their sake that dear Katie doesn't go through this when their child comes along... but actually, in some small way, I hope she does (is that evil?). Maybe then he'll see the light.