Sunday, October 30, 2005

As we rush head-long into the terrible two's, there are days when I'm convinced that my son is the spawn of something evil. Today, for example. Since getting up at 7am, he has thrown 2 large tantrums. The first at McDonald's where we went as a treat for breakfast, the second at the grocery, not to mention my tantrum in the drive-way as I was trying to adjust the $#%*!@ car seat. I think the neighbors are now circulating a petition to have me heavily medicated. As he is mid-tantrum at the grocery, I wonder to myself if anyone around me would say anything if I just walked away and pretended he wasn't mine? Hmmm. Right now he is on his 3rd watching of his Wiggles video, because that is the only thing that seems to keep him calm today. We do try our best to limit the tv watching, but there are days. And I can handle the Wiggles much better than the Teletubbies, but the blue wiggle gives me the creeps.

These are the days that I can barely get through. These are the days when I really feel like motherhood was thrust upon me without my consent, because after all, we were preventing such a thing when we found out little W.T. was coming along (SURPRISE!!). We were in no way in a place for a baby at the time. My father was still living with us. I was still trying to get my health on track. Instead of enjoying my pregnancy (as much as you can enjoy something like that), K. spent time arranging to move my dad to a nursing home, and I focused obsessively on eating the right things so that my blood sugar would stay under control, so that my readings would be good when I called them in to the doctor's office twice weekly, so that they wouldn't increase my insulin dosage or tell me I had to take more than one shot a day. Then suddenly he was here and I'd never had a chance to get mentally into that 'I'm going to be a mother place.' I'm sure this isn't any worse than what any other new mother goes through. But am I still a 'new' mother since he's almost two, or am I just not adjusting correctly?

Ut-oh... I hear the tape ending. Must go rewind.

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