You're just itching to know how the counseling's going, aren't you?

WORDS TO LIVE BY

Accept differences
Be kind
Count your blessings
Dream
Express thanks
Forgive
Give freely
Harm no one
Imagine more
Jettison anger
Keep confidences
Love truly
Master something
Nuture hope
Open your mind
Pack lightly
Quell rumors
Reciprocate
Seek wisdom
Touch hearts
Understand
Value truth
Win graciously
Xeriscape
Yearn for PEACE
Zealously support a worthy cause

On cell phones and other things...

I've just spent $77.18 on Ebay for a Motorola C261 brand new, unlocked, unbranded camera phone that, according to the description and according to the young salesman with the earpiece at the local dealer for my cell phone plan I'll be able to put my sim card into and be up and running again.

This purchase was necessitated by the fact that my LG C1500 flip-phone that came free with the contract is now two pieces instead of one piece connected with a hinge, thanks to the 3-year old.

To be fair to the 3-year old, a small piece of the hinge cracked off a few weeks ago when the 3-year old's mommy dropped the flip-phone while in line at the grocery (hard tile floor + flimsy plastic cell phone = UT OH!). The little antenna-thingy cracked several months back when the phone went flying in the parking lot of the Casa de Insurance (hard blacktop + flimsy plastic cell phone = I'M REALLY SURPRISED THIS THING STILL WORKS!). The phone was on its way out. The 3-year old just helped it on its way by forcibly shoving it away when I held it out to him after he asked to talk to daddy.

Anywhoo...

I took the phone to the local dealer for my particular plan. A young salesman with a Bluetooth earpiece looked at the two pieces of my phone laying on the counter and said "That's not good".

Master of the Obvious (special side note to Teresa Paulina: Had we copyrighted this phrase in the early 90's at Berea, we'd be millionaires now. I hear and see it quite frequently. Who knew?)

According to his computer, my current contract doesn't expire until October of this year. I'm not eligible for an 'upgrade' (i.e. free phone) until July 19 (Which, oddly, is my 8 year anniversary at the Casa de Insurance. Hmmm...), and then to receive the 'upgrade' (free phone) I'd have to sign another 2-year contract. No thanks. We're not overly thrilled with this particular plan, and are already planning to switch when the contract is up. I just want a new phone, period. He proceeds to tell me my options are:

1) pay full price for a new phone ($300+) - or -
2) 'upgrade' early, which would allow me to only pay 1/2 price for a new phone, but I'd still have to sign a new 2-year contract

I looked blankly at the young salesman with the Bluetooth earpiece and said, "Those are my only options?"

To which he replied, "If I were you, seriously, if I were you, I'd get on Ebay and do a search for {insert name of calling plan here} phones. You can get some great deals on these phones on Ebay because the reps win them in contests and stuff, then go right home and list them on Ebay. I just got this {some apparently high-end, all-the-bells-and-whistles phone that I don't remember the name of} for just {some un-Godly amount of money} on Ebay. All you have to do when you get it is drop your SIM card in, you know, that little card-thing in the back of your phone? Just drop in the back of the new phone and you'll be good to go."

So here we are. With my Motorola C261 camera phone ($59.18 + $18.00 shipping, because it's coming FedEx) I get the brand new, unlocked phone, brand new battery, brand new battery door (nice of them to include that... seems to me like that should be standard with the phone), a home charger, a hands-free earpiece and an EVA phone case (I don't even know what that is, but apparently it's worth $40).

Are you wondering yet why I'm telling you so much about purchasing a new cell phone? Let's face it, this is not the most fascinating stuff to read about. But here's the thing... I can't stand to be without the phone. Not because I talk or text on it all that much (you should see the balance of rollover minutes we have - we're losing rollover minutes at the end of the month because the balance is so high), but because I no longer feel safe without one. I used to think I'd probably never get one - why bother? - isn't one of the points of leaving the house to get away from the phone? Then I had a child, and the whole universe shifted.

Now the child is enrolled to start pre-school in the fall (that's another post all on its own). Just a week or so before we enrolled him for preschool, Cho Seung-Hui lost what was left of his already tortured mind and shot down 32 people before killing himself. A few days after that, we came to the 8-year anniversary of the Columbine High School tragedy. The pre-school we just enrolled the beautiful 3-year old in locks its doors after all of the kids have arrived in the morning (don't worry, there are crash bars on the insides of the doors), and if you arrive after that you have to ring a doorbell to have someone come let you in. Maybe I'm insane, but always, always in the pit of my stomach there is a kernel of worry that something is going to happen to my child. Sometimes the worry turns into fear so intense that I almost have panic attacks. Sometimes the worry turns to fear so intense that I actually start to have a panic attack, and wish I'd never had a child. I have two dear, dear friends that teach in public schools, and I worry about them, too. Is it any wonder that I'm in counseling now?

I normally try to keep things somewhat light-hearted here. I'm better with humor and sarcasm than with current events and politics. Call me a wimp, call me a wuss, but I don't like to start arguments, so I usually keep my opinions to myself on the big that's going on. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. If you think that then so be it. But here it is...

That there are people using this latest school shooting as an example of why they think gun control laws should be more lenient makes me sick. Is it true that if even one student or professor had had a gun in their backpack or briefcase that day, they could've shot down the gunman before he had the chance to kill and injure so many people? Probably. BUT it's also true that if background checks performed in Virginia when a person purchases a gun included records for psychiatric therapy done on an outpatient basis, HE NEVER WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO BUY THE GUN IN THE FIRST PLACE. Do I need to send my 3-year old off the pre-school with a handgun in his bookbag, in case his teacher didn't have the foresight to pack hers the day someone decides to storm the Presbyterian church with a semi-automatic?

In all honesty (and this statement probably won't help me win the popularity vote, but I've never been overly worried about that), I question the sense and good judgement of a person who feels the need to carry a concealed weapon.

How about using this latest tragedy as a call to action, to have our existing gun control laws revamped, revised, and ENFORCED, before more people start shooting?

Tomorrow is Monday, and I hate Monday. I probably can't get away with calling off on yet another Monday, though. My supervisor is stupid, but I'm sure she'd catch on.

The doctor asked me during our counseling appointment week before last why I was born. He was going for the 'what were you put on this earth to do' kind of thing, and I couldn't really come up with a good answer for him.

Hmmm... I'm still thinking about that one.

Because I think I need more abuse, I guess, and thanks to TWYLA, I've submitted my blog to be reviewed by So Many Blogs, So Little Time. Why? Who knows.

They'll probably rip me to shreds, but it might be fun. Their waiting list of blogs to be reviewed is pretty long, so I've got plenty of time to spruce things up before their visit, I'm sure.

The 18 year old daughter of a former co-worker died last Thursday, as a result of injuries she sustained in a very, very bad car accident a few days before Easter. The doctors did what they could, drilling hole after hole in her skull to relieve the pressure that kept building due to brain swelling, and cauterizing her spleen to stop internal bleeding (because she wasn't stable enough for surgery). The injuries were beyond their repair, though, and she died late in the afternoon on April 12, in her father's arms, after he and her estranged mother made the decision to shut off the life support.

I didn't really know her father while he worked at the Casa de Insurance, and I didn't even know he had a daughter until I heard about this accident. I find myself, though, unable to stop thinking about this tragic turn of events. I have cried and cried over this teenager I never met, and at the thought of the grief that her parents are now facing. How do you even begin to recover from something such as this?

I am a Christian. I go to church every week. I'm sure I don't read my Bible as much as I should, but I pray earnestly each night when I get into bed, for guidance and wisdom, for strength, for the safety and health of my son. But at times like this, I find myself wanting to rant and scream - How could YOU do this to these people? YOU call yourself loving? YOU call yourself compassionate? Where is the sense in something like this? According to her boyfriend (who was in the car) and the Highway patrolmen at the scene, she wasn't speeding, or talking on her cell phone, or fiddling with the radio. There was no evidence of alcohol or drugs in her system. She was just driving to school, slowed down to avoid an accident in the road ahead of her, and lost control on a patch of black ice on the road from rain the night before.

I think about things like this, and sometimes actually become physically ill. Because of the faulty wiring in my brain, or maybe just because I'm a parent, I'm always led to the thoughts of 'what if something like this happens to my son?', which most times brings me close to a panic attack.

I know that the will of God is not for me to know. I've seen 'The Lion King' and I understand the 'Circle of Life', and I realize that no one knows when it will be 'their time to go'. But I cannot, cannot reconcile in my head such senseless pain and suffering. There is no reason. There is no justification. There is only grief and pain and loss.

I will never understand or accept it.

If you lift something from someone's blog, isn't common courtesy to give credit where credit is due?

That's all I'm sayin'...

Strange Encounter With My Father-in-Law number ????

Maybe I am a prude, and I just don't want to admit it.

The in-laws keep the boy for a few hours every Tuesday afternoon, because my husband has a 3:00pm class that day and there's no way I can get off work early enough to get home to the boy.

I went to pick the boy up this afternoon at the in-laws' place. It was a beautiful afternoon, so we were sitting on their back patio, which overlooks a small pond that's on the property where their condo is. It's Spring, and we all know that in the Spring, young men's hearts turn to thoughts of love. One female duck, hotly pursued by FOUR male ducks, came waddling around the corner of the building. They got hold of her after a minute and proceeded to have their way. I have to say, I really felt bad for her. It wasn't romantic at all, and they were a little rough. She finally broke away and ran for the pond, jumped in, and started dunking herself over and over.

Which prompted my father-in-law to say (as he was laughing)... "She jumped in the pond to have a douche!"

I'm just not sure how I feel about this...

THANKS to HEATHER for the VisualDNA!! Too cool!

Since I'm 'heavily depressed', I thought the dark background was appropriate... for now, anyways.

I have so much to say about this, but just need to organize my thoughts...

Please keep your arms and legs inside the car until the ride comes to a complete stop

"Heavy depression that's now affecting your marriage"

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

... we had our first appointment with a counselor night before last. This was all my idea, of course (which leads me to the very paranoid fear that he's going to end up resenting me for pushing the counseling so aggressively, especially now since it appears that a good portion of the problems we're having are mine, because of said heavy depression mentioned above). I'm thinking this will be quite the roller-coaster ride. I'm still not sure if I'm comfortable with all this. Yes, it was my idea to begin with, so I have no one to blame but myself, and I'm not blaming anyone (over the idea of going to counseling, that is). It makes you feel very vulnerable,though, wide open now for the world to see, hoping you don't catch someone pointing their finger at you and laughing... and hearing someone say the words 'heavy depression that's now affecting your marriage' and knowing they're talking about you makes you feel somehow... well... defective.

I get so nervous when it comes to things like these, and when I get excessively nervous the tears start to flow.

I'm sure this guy just thought I was a real mess.

I really don't want to go back, but I think we have to. I think I have to. I don't think there's any other choice at this point.

I'm thinking about putting some thoughts, ideas, etc., down on paper and taking it with me to our next appointment, so I have my thoughts collected. Talk about anal. The guy we're seeing practices cognitive behavioral therapy, so I'm not aloud to blame things on my husband any longer, but rather look at how I'm responding to what he's doing. Hmmmmm.... I'm so ensconced in the blame-thing that this is really going to be tough for me. But something had to be done, and I was running out of ideas.

So we'll see... wait and see, wait and see, wait and see...

Warm weather is here (for a few days, anyway), and that means sandals. And when the sandals some out, so do the painted toenails.

I'm particularly enamored (enameled?) this year with the OPI shade Lincoln Park After Dark (part of the Deliciously Dark collection), which I found at the little place down the road where I get my hair cut.

I just love painted toenails. They make me feel sophisticated, pulled-together, like I've got it all going on. Even on days when closed-toe shoes are necessary, it's nice to know that inside, the toes look fabulous. It's the same for a girl, I suppose, as wearing a matching bra & panties set... it just makes you feel girly. I never thought I had the talent for it, until a friend of mine gave me her 'secret' about 12 years ago: just slop the stuff on. Don't worry about coloring in the lines, and the more coats the better. Take a hot shower the next morning, and after you've been in for a few minutes, scrub, scrub, scrub your toes with the wash cloth. The polish that got on your skin comes right off, and you're left with beautifully painted nails.

For years, I thought there was some kind of magic to it. But no. I've also wanted to try the French-manicure look that many women are sporting on their feet today, but just can't bring myself to have a pedicure (which has nothing to do with not wanting people to touch my feet). I've been told I have nice feet, and nicely shaped toes in particular, but there are leg issues that I won't go into. I was THRILLED this weekend when I found press-on toenails, painted to look like the French-manicure. I got 7 out of the 10 toes done and they looked stunning, but then ran into a glue problem (and, for a few minutes, the possibility that the index finger and thumb on my left hand might be permanently fused together) that proved too much to overcome, so I gave up and removed what I'd already gotten on.

They're only $4.99 a set. Maybe I'll try again.

Girl Scout Cookies Thin Mints are the work of the devil...

THANKS TWYLA!

I've been tagged by TWYLA to list 7 songs that I'm into right now. I played around on YouTube enough that I actually figured out how to link the videos here, too (go me!).

In no particular order...

The Fray - How to Save a Life

Dave Matthews Band - American Baby

Dave Matthews Band - Say Goodbye

Dave Navarro - Rexall

Rocco DeLuca & the Burden - Colorful

Liz Phair - Extraordinary

The Subways - Rock & Roll Queen

Is that seven? I think that's seven.

I'm supposed to now tag seven people to complete this, but I'm not sure I know seven people with blogs. If you read this, consider yourself tagged.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming...

I was off work last week and had planned to blog, blog, blog, but then suddenly the week was over. My house is not much cleaner now than it was before last week, nor is my son any closer to being toilet trained. Today, I had to return to work and endure the endless "HOW WAS YOUR VACATION?!? DID YOU GO ANYWHERE?!?" inquiries.

Ugh.

The BEAUTIFUL, SLEEK 30GB iPod has been out of the box and in use for about 2 weeks now, and it's fabulous. It was inevitable. I don't know why I even pretended like there was a chance I'd return it.

The EYEBROW, I'm sorry to say, is not regenerating as quickly as I'd like it to. It's definitely starting to come back, but I wish it would hurry up. Although I've become a master at filling in the missing portion with an eyebrow pencil, I'm tired of being so paranoid about it that I carry said eyebrow pencil around in my pocket, ready to re-apply at any time. Honestly, it's a little exhausting.

I've been in my head too much lately... way too much. My husband and I have been fighting horribly. I don't know what's wrong with us. We've lost our mojo, and I'm starting to wonder if it's ever going to come back. I hate that thought, but there you have it. I'm trying to convince him that the opinion of an objective third party (read: marriage counseling) would be beneficial, but I've not won that argument yet. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

FAVE PHOTO FRIDAY

The Love family, circa 1923

My paternal grandparents were missionaries in the Cameroons in West Africa from 1911 to sometime in the 1950's. My two uncles (my dad's two older brothers) were both born there. My dad was born in Toledo, OH, but lived in Africa until he was about 7 or 8. This is one of the passport photos taken of the family during that time. My dad is the littlest one, in the sailor suit. He was 3 when this picture was taken.

I love this picture.

Can it get any worse?

There's been an... incident.

I decided to stop on the way home from work the other night to have my eyebrows waxed. I'm not adept at plucking them, not to mention that it's very tedious. I have no problem paying someone $10 + tip to apply hot wax to my skin and rip it off with a piece of fabric. All in the name of beauty.

BUT... and this has never happened before... I should've been wary when the girl that usually does them isn't there. I should've been even more wary when it took the girl that did end up doing much, much longer than it normally takes. Sure enough, when she handed me the mirror to take a look, I saw the BIG, GAPING HOLE IN MY LEFT EYEBROW. There's eyebrow, then no eyebrow, then a little bit of eyebrow at the end.

"Ummm... the right one looks great, but I think we've got a problem with the left one," I said.

"Yeah," she responded, nervously. "There was a little problem there."

"A little problem?"

"You don't have to pay for it..."

"Honey, paying for it is the least of my worries right now. What concerns me is walking around with half an eyebrow until this grows out."

"I think you'd be okay using an eyebrow pencil. And it should grow back in really quickly. I'm really sorry."

"An eyebrow pencil? I am missing PART OF MY EYEBROW because you were careless with the wax, and all you have to say is you think I'll be okay with using and eyebrow pencil?"

"I'm really sorry..."

I walked out. Until this grows back (thank GOD they grow back QUICKLY), I'm walking around with an eyebrow pencil in my pocket. I was in the bathroom probably a dozen times today at work checking it, and spent the rest of the time at my desk, worried that the rim of my glasses would rub the eyebrow pencil off.

Jesus...

Monday afternoon haiku. . .

iPod mocking me
in the drawer, so close at hand
damn you, 30 gigs

Crap.

I thought earlier today that my (horribly inadequate 4GB) iPod was fried, because it locked up and I couldn't do anything with it.

Last week was just about the worst week up my life, coming in second only to the week in 1998 when my mom died and in 2005 when my dad died (which are currently tied for first place).

Seriously. The week was truly THAT bad, no exaggeration. I'd go into details, but I'm tired of thinking about all of it.

I can't be without my iPod. It's just unthinkable. So I took the plunge and bought the 30GB I've been drooling over. That's what the credit card is for, right - a little retail therapy for those time when life is SO ABSOLUTELY SUCKY that all you want to do is lay in bed and eat pop tarts. I have no business AT ALL spending money like this right now. None. Zip. Nada. It's completely, totally careless and irresponsible on my part.

Wouldn't you know... when I got home, I was able to get the (horribly inadequate) 4GB iPod working. The beautiful, new 30GB iPod is still in the box, in the bag from the store with the receipt. I've got 30 days to return it.

I hate making decisions like this.

Awwww.... isn't he handsome?

This is what he looked liked after he got hold of his squirt bottle of shampoo...

At least he cleaned off the table, too...