Yowza!

My blog is set to be reviewed by diva Chatty Chicka at So Many Blogs, So Little Time on June 27...

I'm on pins and needles!

I MUST get to work on this place!!!

The boy is enrolled to start preschool in the fall. This is, as expected, breaking my heart. BUT… he very much needs to start being around other kids on a regular basis. We've been lucky, lucky, lucky not to have had to put him in daycare thus far, but it's time for him to start developing his social skills. He's ready for it, as is obvious when he encounters other kids at the park, or at church, or even in the toy aisle at Wal-mart.

So potty training has begun (again) in ernest. If we can get through this, I think it will be a miracle. We're bribing. We're sitting him on the apparatus and letting him cry. It has to be done, and it has to be done now. It should've been done quite a while ago, but I won't even get started on that. I hate the feeling that we're forcing him. So much that you read (which I'm sure I do too much of) says that you shouldn't force, but then other things you read say strip them down, show them where the toilet is, and tell them they have no choice. Why can you show the cat the litter box once or twice and they're good to go, but with children you have to struggle so much?

With this has come, for him, a new fascination with flushing the toilet. In case you were curious, the following items can be flushed, individually, without clogging the pipes:

a Reach© flosser handle

a handful of cotton balls

a tube of Arbonne eye cream (so much for the dark circles under my eyes)

a sample pack of Pantene texturizing shampoo and conditioner

a travel-size jar of Vaseline petroleum jelly

a tube of children's non-flouride toothpaste

I'm sure this list will continue to grow. Maybe I'll add it to the sidebar so I can keep it updated...

"All my life, whenever it comes time to make a decision, I make it and forget about it"

I am a sucker for the claw machines that are packed tightly with cheaped stuffed animals. I have been known to waste a doller or two... or more... if I see something on the top layer that strikes my fancy. I've had pretty good luck with them over the years - a monkey here, an alligator there - but today as I was leaving the grocery store, I couldn't believe what I saw in the machine just outside the exit. What a find! I put in a dollar, which bought me two chances. I got it on the first try, though...

Yes, my friends, that is in fact Harry S Truman, the 33rd president of the United States of America. His tag says that he is one in a collection of twelve of our presidents that have been immortalized as part of the Sugar Loaf line of plush toys from Coinstar Entertainment Services, Inc. The collection includes Richard Nixon - what a coup that would be!! You can bet that I'll be keeping an eye out for him!

Harry will be seeing the sights with me this summer, so be sure to check back often for updates on THE ADVENTURES OF HARRY!

Shout out to Teresa Paulina

If you haven't seen it already, go check out this story about the upcoming WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER.

Should we start planning a road trip for 2009????

I'M NOT TOO PROUD TO ASK FOR A FREE TEMPLATE!!!

I am ... rooted in yesterday,
When I should be... embracing the here and now.

I am ... holding onto hurt, anger and disappointment,
When I should be... practicing forgiveness and offering love.

I am ... yearning for what I don't have,
When I should be... rejoicing in the treasure that surrounds me.

I am... searching for faults, both his and my own,
When I should be... admiring strengths, encouraging accomplishments, and
praising achievements.

I am... clinging to regret and mourning unrealized dreams,
When I should be... looking towards the future with hope and excitement.

I am... indulging in self-pity,
When I should be... LIVING!



Ruth Speaks Up (C) 2007

Memorial Day in Ohio... a photo essay

Where are we headed to again?

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day... the Bacon, Egg & Cheese Bagel is like crack to me...

We live just a few miles from the National Museum of the United States Air Force. The boy LOVES this place, and bonus - admission is free. Unfortunately, there aren't really any pictures of the boy from today, because he won't stand still long enough right now for you to actually take his picture. It really is an extensive and impressive museum. If you're ever in Ohio and close to Dayton, you should take the time to see it.

Don't ask me what the names of any of these planes are. With a 3-year old in tow, there's no time to stop and write down the information.

The museum also includes part of a traveling exhibit on the Holocaust...

And, of course, you can't take a trip to the Air Force Museum without seeing the rockets...

On the opposite end of town is a working historical farm from the 1800's. Some of the buildings are from the original farm, and some are reconstructed.

Now we're home. I'm about to hop on the elliptical (joy, joy), then we're having pizza. Ahh... the excitement of it all...

And now for some inspirational music...

I am sabotaging my marriage.

I've come to this conclusion on my own. . . well, with the help of the counseling, of course, but don't think that either the husband or the counselor has laid this at my feet. In thinking about all this stuff that we have to think about after each counseling session, and all the things we have to write down, and doing all of that openly and willingly and being very honest about it, I've come to this conclusion on my own.

I'm so disappointed with the way things have turned out with my life, that I'm sabotaging my marriage. I'm bitter and spiteful about so many things, and I lay the blame for all of this squarely on the shoulders of my husband.

How awful is that?

I hate my job. I would love to go back to school, but that's out of the question right now because he's out of work and in school, and there's no money, and there's health insurance to consider (which I now carry, because he has no job), and it's doubtful that I'll even be able to go back to school when he's finished, because I'm sure he won't find a job making nearly what I am (not that I make a lot, but it's decent). So the more-likely scenario is that we'll hope for him to find a part-time job in his new career field, which will (hopefully) make getting the precious boy to and from school (he's enrolled in PRESCHOOL for the fall - OH MY GOD!!!! But that's another post.) and all that...

... which leads us directly into the fact that HE'S getting to stay home with the boy for these two years, while he's in school, and all I've had, really, is the measly, completely inadequate six-weeks of maternity leave 3 1/2 years ago. He ends up watching television most of the day, while Daddy tries to study. I'm paranoid that his brain is already mush and that he'll end up with Autism. We're NOWHERE CLOSE on the potty training, which is DRIVING ME APE-SHIT. Daddy has made ONE half-hearted 4-hour attempt, and given up. The boy, delightful and precious though he may be, knows he can play Daddy like a cheap fiddle and get whatever he wants (not materialistically speaking, though, because we're BROKE). I know that being home ALL DAY LONG with a child would be tough... stressful... I don't know... I just know that there are things I might do differently if I were here, but if I try (and yes, I've been nice about it) to suggest these things, offer support or encouragement, whatever, it's seen as a direct insult to his parenting skills.

And the house is a MESS... and I'm EXHAUSTED by the time I get home from work... and there's NO TIME to exercise...

I'm so tired of feeling bitter, and frustrated, and agitated, and irritated by ALL of this, but I don't know what the solution is.

Birthday words for Teresa Paulina

My dear friend Teresa Paulina turns... ummm.... 29 today...

Ti Re Mi, you must remember...

Growing OLD is mandatory...

Growing UP is OPTIONAL!

Happy Birthday, dear friend!!!

Follow the link for some nifty Mother's Day give-a-ways...

If I win the hot-pink iPod Nano, I'm giving it to Twyla...

Oh, to be able to relax so totally and completely...

I really should apologize.

 

I posted that teaser about the counseling, then haven't had a chance since then to follow-up.  It really wasn't my intention to string you along all this time.  Why is it that the things you have to do always get in the way of things you want to do?  I hate that.  I'm sure you all understand…

 

And who posted a comment, then deleted it?  That's driving me ape-shit.

 

But I digress.

 

The counseling is going well, I think.  I realized early on that the husband views all of this as 'airing our dirty laundry' in public, but I think he's eased away from that somewhat.  We both like and feel very comfortable with the counselor, so that makes a big difference.

 

When time permits, I promise I will post more.

You're just itching to know how the counseling's going, aren't you?

WORDS TO LIVE BY

Accept differences
Be kind
Count your blessings
Dream
Express thanks
Forgive
Give freely
Harm no one
Imagine more
Jettison anger
Keep confidences
Love truly
Master something
Nuture hope
Open your mind
Pack lightly
Quell rumors
Reciprocate
Seek wisdom
Touch hearts
Understand
Value truth
Win graciously
Xeriscape
Yearn for PEACE
Zealously support a worthy cause

On cell phones and other things...

I've just spent $77.18 on Ebay for a Motorola C261 brand new, unlocked, unbranded camera phone that, according to the description and according to the young salesman with the earpiece at the local dealer for my cell phone plan I'll be able to put my sim card into and be up and running again.

This purchase was necessitated by the fact that my LG C1500 flip-phone that came free with the contract is now two pieces instead of one piece connected with a hinge, thanks to the 3-year old.

To be fair to the 3-year old, a small piece of the hinge cracked off a few weeks ago when the 3-year old's mommy dropped the flip-phone while in line at the grocery (hard tile floor + flimsy plastic cell phone = UT OH!). The little antenna-thingy cracked several months back when the phone went flying in the parking lot of the Casa de Insurance (hard blacktop + flimsy plastic cell phone = I'M REALLY SURPRISED THIS THING STILL WORKS!). The phone was on its way out. The 3-year old just helped it on its way by forcibly shoving it away when I held it out to him after he asked to talk to daddy.

Anywhoo...

I took the phone to the local dealer for my particular plan. A young salesman with a Bluetooth earpiece looked at the two pieces of my phone laying on the counter and said "That's not good".

Master of the Obvious (special side note to Teresa Paulina: Had we copyrighted this phrase in the early 90's at Berea, we'd be millionaires now. I hear and see it quite frequently. Who knew?)

According to his computer, my current contract doesn't expire until October of this year. I'm not eligible for an 'upgrade' (i.e. free phone) until July 19 (Which, oddly, is my 8 year anniversary at the Casa de Insurance. Hmmm...), and then to receive the 'upgrade' (free phone) I'd have to sign another 2-year contract. No thanks. We're not overly thrilled with this particular plan, and are already planning to switch when the contract is up. I just want a new phone, period. He proceeds to tell me my options are:

1) pay full price for a new phone ($300+) - or -
2) 'upgrade' early, which would allow me to only pay 1/2 price for a new phone, but I'd still have to sign a new 2-year contract

I looked blankly at the young salesman with the Bluetooth earpiece and said, "Those are my only options?"

To which he replied, "If I were you, seriously, if I were you, I'd get on Ebay and do a search for {insert name of calling plan here} phones. You can get some great deals on these phones on Ebay because the reps win them in contests and stuff, then go right home and list them on Ebay. I just got this {some apparently high-end, all-the-bells-and-whistles phone that I don't remember the name of} for just {some un-Godly amount of money} on Ebay. All you have to do when you get it is drop your SIM card in, you know, that little card-thing in the back of your phone? Just drop in the back of the new phone and you'll be good to go."

So here we are. With my Motorola C261 camera phone ($59.18 + $18.00 shipping, because it's coming FedEx) I get the brand new, unlocked phone, brand new battery, brand new battery door (nice of them to include that... seems to me like that should be standard with the phone), a home charger, a hands-free earpiece and an EVA phone case (I don't even know what that is, but apparently it's worth $40).

Are you wondering yet why I'm telling you so much about purchasing a new cell phone? Let's face it, this is not the most fascinating stuff to read about. But here's the thing... I can't stand to be without the phone. Not because I talk or text on it all that much (you should see the balance of rollover minutes we have - we're losing rollover minutes at the end of the month because the balance is so high), but because I no longer feel safe without one. I used to think I'd probably never get one - why bother? - isn't one of the points of leaving the house to get away from the phone? Then I had a child, and the whole universe shifted.

Now the child is enrolled to start pre-school in the fall (that's another post all on its own). Just a week or so before we enrolled him for preschool, Cho Seung-Hui lost what was left of his already tortured mind and shot down 32 people before killing himself. A few days after that, we came to the 8-year anniversary of the Columbine High School tragedy. The pre-school we just enrolled the beautiful 3-year old in locks its doors after all of the kids have arrived in the morning (don't worry, there are crash bars on the insides of the doors), and if you arrive after that you have to ring a doorbell to have someone come let you in. Maybe I'm insane, but always, always in the pit of my stomach there is a kernel of worry that something is going to happen to my child. Sometimes the worry turns into fear so intense that I almost have panic attacks. Sometimes the worry turns to fear so intense that I actually start to have a panic attack, and wish I'd never had a child. I have two dear, dear friends that teach in public schools, and I worry about them, too. Is it any wonder that I'm in counseling now?

I normally try to keep things somewhat light-hearted here. I'm better with humor and sarcasm than with current events and politics. Call me a wimp, call me a wuss, but I don't like to start arguments, so I usually keep my opinions to myself on the big that's going on. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. If you think that then so be it. But here it is...

That there are people using this latest school shooting as an example of why they think gun control laws should be more lenient makes me sick. Is it true that if even one student or professor had had a gun in their backpack or briefcase that day, they could've shot down the gunman before he had the chance to kill and injure so many people? Probably. BUT it's also true that if background checks performed in Virginia when a person purchases a gun included records for psychiatric therapy done on an outpatient basis, HE NEVER WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO BUY THE GUN IN THE FIRST PLACE. Do I need to send my 3-year old off the pre-school with a handgun in his bookbag, in case his teacher didn't have the foresight to pack hers the day someone decides to storm the Presbyterian church with a semi-automatic?

In all honesty (and this statement probably won't help me win the popularity vote, but I've never been overly worried about that), I question the sense and good judgement of a person who feels the need to carry a concealed weapon.

How about using this latest tragedy as a call to action, to have our existing gun control laws revamped, revised, and ENFORCED, before more people start shooting?

Tomorrow is Monday, and I hate Monday. I probably can't get away with calling off on yet another Monday, though. My supervisor is stupid, but I'm sure she'd catch on.

The doctor asked me during our counseling appointment week before last why I was born. He was going for the 'what were you put on this earth to do' kind of thing, and I couldn't really come up with a good answer for him.

Hmmm... I'm still thinking about that one.

Because I think I need more abuse, I guess, and thanks to TWYLA, I've submitted my blog to be reviewed by So Many Blogs, So Little Time. Why? Who knows.

They'll probably rip me to shreds, but it might be fun. Their waiting list of blogs to be reviewed is pretty long, so I've got plenty of time to spruce things up before their visit, I'm sure.

The 18 year old daughter of a former co-worker died last Thursday, as a result of injuries she sustained in a very, very bad car accident a few days before Easter. The doctors did what they could, drilling hole after hole in her skull to relieve the pressure that kept building due to brain swelling, and cauterizing her spleen to stop internal bleeding (because she wasn't stable enough for surgery). The injuries were beyond their repair, though, and she died late in the afternoon on April 12, in her father's arms, after he and her estranged mother made the decision to shut off the life support.

I didn't really know her father while he worked at the Casa de Insurance, and I didn't even know he had a daughter until I heard about this accident. I find myself, though, unable to stop thinking about this tragic turn of events. I have cried and cried over this teenager I never met, and at the thought of the grief that her parents are now facing. How do you even begin to recover from something such as this?

I am a Christian. I go to church every week. I'm sure I don't read my Bible as much as I should, but I pray earnestly each night when I get into bed, for guidance and wisdom, for strength, for the safety and health of my son. But at times like this, I find myself wanting to rant and scream - How could YOU do this to these people? YOU call yourself loving? YOU call yourself compassionate? Where is the sense in something like this? According to her boyfriend (who was in the car) and the Highway patrolmen at the scene, she wasn't speeding, or talking on her cell phone, or fiddling with the radio. There was no evidence of alcohol or drugs in her system. She was just driving to school, slowed down to avoid an accident in the road ahead of her, and lost control on a patch of black ice on the road from rain the night before.

I think about things like this, and sometimes actually become physically ill. Because of the faulty wiring in my brain, or maybe just because I'm a parent, I'm always led to the thoughts of 'what if something like this happens to my son?', which most times brings me close to a panic attack.

I know that the will of God is not for me to know. I've seen 'The Lion King' and I understand the 'Circle of Life', and I realize that no one knows when it will be 'their time to go'. But I cannot, cannot reconcile in my head such senseless pain and suffering. There is no reason. There is no justification. There is only grief and pain and loss.

I will never understand or accept it.

If you lift something from someone's blog, isn't common courtesy to give credit where credit is due?

That's all I'm sayin'...