Saturday, July 07, 2007

Words I Never Wanted to Hear My Mother-in-Law Say...

Seriously, people... I do NOT know how many more of these encounters I can take.

The husband and I have been together for 11 years now, married for almost 10. You'd think after all this time, there would be little that the in-laws could say that would make me want to run from the room screaming, YET they are still managing to come up with new material.


We went to the in-laws' place on the 4th for a little patriotic family time. The mother-in-law and I sat down to watch 'Charlotte's Web' (the live-action version that came out last year - very good, by the way. I highly recommend it.) while the father-in-law, the husband and the son did some male bonding. After that, we sat down to dinner.

As we were eating, the husband was recounting bits of a Bill Engvall special we'd watched a few days before on Comedy Central. His junior high-age son had just gone for his first school sports physical, and was understandably devastated by the turn-your-head-and-cough portion of the exam. Bill held up his index finger towards his son and said, 'Wait 'til you get to be my age.'

- Insert laughter here -

The father-in-law made a few jokes at the husband's expense, because he'll be forty in December, etc., etc. The conversation could've ENDED THERE, and it would've been fine.

But no.

My mother-in-law then had to pipe up with...

"Well, it can't be as bad as having one of those internal ultrasounds, like I just had to have at the gyno!" (Note: if you don't know exactly what the internal ultrasound is, use your imagination. I'm sure you'll get it....) Then she continued with...

"It's like having them stick a dildo up your privates! And it's always a woman that does it! Why do they have a woman sticking something like a dildo up inside you? At least if it was a man doing it maybe it wouldn't be so embarrassing."


Okay - I unfortunately have had to have two of these procedures over the years. Trust me, they're embarrassing regardless of the gender of the ultrasound technician. I can only imagine the idiotic look I had on my face as she was saying this, and all I could think (but somehow managed not to say out loud) was


I don't know what else to say, other than Ewww!!!

1 comment:

Teresa Paulina said...

your in-laws are truly, seriously weird people! LOL I'm dying here thinking of you saying... STOP SAYING DILDO! LOL Oh God.. I can't stop laughing!!!