Thursday, July 12, 2007

Ah, sweet poetice justice...

I haven't written lately about Right Wing Conservative Girl (henceforth known as RWCG). Regular Ruth Speaks Up readers will remember her as my very young, very Baptist, very Republican co-worker. I'm emailing this post in from work, otherwise I'd search the archives for some prior entries on her and link them here. For those of you not familiar with her, here's a recap: she's 29, married and divorced 3 times, with 2 kids by 2 different husbands. She was raised in and still attends a primitive Baptist church, but has been living with her current boyfriend for the last two years. She voted for the first time in 2004, only so she could vote for the Anti-Gay Marriage amendment here in Ohio. Whenever someone brings in donuts, or cookies, or brownies, and I politely decline because I'm trying to keep my blood sugar in check, she goes ON AND ON about how sad it is that Ruth can't have any of the goodies (which, for the record, MAKES ME INSANE). Every morning when she comes in, she has a story concerning the drama of the night before, and since she cannot tell a short story, we all have to listen to her talk for about half an hour… first thing in the morning… which here at the Casa de Insurance is about 7:00am EST.
Anywhooo….
RWCG has definite self-confidence and self-image issues, which in some ways is kind of sad. She's very pretty. Yes, she has some junk in the trunk and could stand to lose maybe 30 pounds, but couldn't't we all? Instead of doing something about this, though, like say exercising on the Gazelle that sits in her living room, she pops 'all natural' Metabalife and eats huge slabs of pizza everyday for lunch. If you are thin and pretty, she hates you on sight. Literally, she hates you. I've recently come to the conclusion that she seems to like me so much only because I'm a bit heavier than her. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so.
Now here's the good part… the part that has me chuckling right now… she went to a friends July 4th party weekend before last, and encountered there the step-daughter-in-law of the host, whom she'd never before met. The step-daughter-in-law of the host was very thin and very pretty, which had RWCG in fits. Predictably, the Monday following the party, RWCG had all sorts of stories to tell us about how dense and stupid the step-daughter-in-law of the host of the party was, how as she was talking the girl would stare at her somewhat blankly, how she was apparently so drunk that at one point that when RWCG asked her a question she got up and walked away without answering, and on and on.
Several days ago, RWCG was talking to the host of the party, and recounting to him one instance of (what she thought of as) particular stupidity on the part of the step-daughter-in-law, and the host told her…
"You know she's legally deaf, right? She was looking at you like that while you were talking because she was reading your lips. When she got up and walked away without answering, it was probably because she didn't realize you'd said anything to her."
I can't stop laughing about this. She told me this Tuesday, TWO days ago, and I am STILL laughing about it. When she told me, I HOOTED with laughter, then looked straight at her and said, "You know you're going to hell for that, right?"
More proof to me that God really does exist, and that he has a sense of humor…

4 comments:

Twyla said...

"You know you're going to hell for that, right?" LMAO. I love it!

Teresa Paulina said...

OH MY GOSH! you are absolutely insane.... but I don't blame you!

Pax Romano said...

Well if that girl had accepted JezzzzUS as her personal savior, she'd be able to hear!!!

Heather said...

Right wing conservative girl really gives the rest of us right wing conservative Baptist nuts a REALLY bad name. I'd like to slap her. But that'd send ME straight to hell right?