WORDS TO LIVE BY

Accept differences
Be kind
Count your blessings
Dream
Express thanks
Forgive
Give freely
Harm no one
Imagine more
Jettison anger
Keep confidences
Love truly
Master something
Nuture hope
Open your mind
Pack lightly
Quell rumors
Reciprocate
Seek wisdom
Touch hearts
Understand
Value truth
Win graciously
Xeriscape
Yearn for PEACE
Zealously support a worthy cause

On cell phones and other things...

I've just spent $77.18 on Ebay for a Motorola C261 brand new, unlocked, unbranded camera phone that, according to the description and according to the young salesman with the earpiece at the local dealer for my cell phone plan I'll be able to put my sim card into and be up and running again.

This purchase was necessitated by the fact that my LG C1500 flip-phone that came free with the contract is now two pieces instead of one piece connected with a hinge, thanks to the 3-year old.

To be fair to the 3-year old, a small piece of the hinge cracked off a few weeks ago when the 3-year old's mommy dropped the flip-phone while in line at the grocery (hard tile floor + flimsy plastic cell phone = UT OH!). The little antenna-thingy cracked several months back when the phone went flying in the parking lot of the Casa de Insurance (hard blacktop + flimsy plastic cell phone = I'M REALLY SURPRISED THIS THING STILL WORKS!). The phone was on its way out. The 3-year old just helped it on its way by forcibly shoving it away when I held it out to him after he asked to talk to daddy.

Anywhoo...

I took the phone to the local dealer for my particular plan. A young salesman with a Bluetooth earpiece looked at the two pieces of my phone laying on the counter and said "That's not good".

Master of the Obvious (special side note to Teresa Paulina: Had we copyrighted this phrase in the early 90's at Berea, we'd be millionaires now. I hear and see it quite frequently. Who knew?)

According to his computer, my current contract doesn't expire until October of this year. I'm not eligible for an 'upgrade' (i.e. free phone) until July 19 (Which, oddly, is my 8 year anniversary at the Casa de Insurance. Hmmm...), and then to receive the 'upgrade' (free phone) I'd have to sign another 2-year contract. No thanks. We're not overly thrilled with this particular plan, and are already planning to switch when the contract is up. I just want a new phone, period. He proceeds to tell me my options are:

1) pay full price for a new phone ($300+) - or -
2) 'upgrade' early, which would allow me to only pay 1/2 price for a new phone, but I'd still have to sign a new 2-year contract

I looked blankly at the young salesman with the Bluetooth earpiece and said, "Those are my only options?"

To which he replied, "If I were you, seriously, if I were you, I'd get on Ebay and do a search for {insert name of calling plan here} phones. You can get some great deals on these phones on Ebay because the reps win them in contests and stuff, then go right home and list them on Ebay. I just got this {some apparently high-end, all-the-bells-and-whistles phone that I don't remember the name of} for just {some un-Godly amount of money} on Ebay. All you have to do when you get it is drop your SIM card in, you know, that little card-thing in the back of your phone? Just drop in the back of the new phone and you'll be good to go."

So here we are. With my Motorola C261 camera phone ($59.18 + $18.00 shipping, because it's coming FedEx) I get the brand new, unlocked phone, brand new battery, brand new battery door (nice of them to include that... seems to me like that should be standard with the phone), a home charger, a hands-free earpiece and an EVA phone case (I don't even know what that is, but apparently it's worth $40).

Are you wondering yet why I'm telling you so much about purchasing a new cell phone? Let's face it, this is not the most fascinating stuff to read about. But here's the thing... I can't stand to be without the phone. Not because I talk or text on it all that much (you should see the balance of rollover minutes we have - we're losing rollover minutes at the end of the month because the balance is so high), but because I no longer feel safe without one. I used to think I'd probably never get one - why bother? - isn't one of the points of leaving the house to get away from the phone? Then I had a child, and the whole universe shifted.

Now the child is enrolled to start pre-school in the fall (that's another post all on its own). Just a week or so before we enrolled him for preschool, Cho Seung-Hui lost what was left of his already tortured mind and shot down 32 people before killing himself. A few days after that, we came to the 8-year anniversary of the Columbine High School tragedy. The pre-school we just enrolled the beautiful 3-year old in locks its doors after all of the kids have arrived in the morning (don't worry, there are crash bars on the insides of the doors), and if you arrive after that you have to ring a doorbell to have someone come let you in. Maybe I'm insane, but always, always in the pit of my stomach there is a kernel of worry that something is going to happen to my child. Sometimes the worry turns into fear so intense that I almost have panic attacks. Sometimes the worry turns to fear so intense that I actually start to have a panic attack, and wish I'd never had a child. I have two dear, dear friends that teach in public schools, and I worry about them, too. Is it any wonder that I'm in counseling now?

I normally try to keep things somewhat light-hearted here. I'm better with humor and sarcasm than with current events and politics. Call me a wimp, call me a wuss, but I don't like to start arguments, so I usually keep my opinions to myself on the big that's going on. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. If you think that then so be it. But here it is...

That there are people using this latest school shooting as an example of why they think gun control laws should be more lenient makes me sick. Is it true that if even one student or professor had had a gun in their backpack or briefcase that day, they could've shot down the gunman before he had the chance to kill and injure so many people? Probably. BUT it's also true that if background checks performed in Virginia when a person purchases a gun included records for psychiatric therapy done on an outpatient basis, HE NEVER WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO BUY THE GUN IN THE FIRST PLACE. Do I need to send my 3-year old off the pre-school with a handgun in his bookbag, in case his teacher didn't have the foresight to pack hers the day someone decides to storm the Presbyterian church with a semi-automatic?

In all honesty (and this statement probably won't help me win the popularity vote, but I've never been overly worried about that), I question the sense and good judgement of a person who feels the need to carry a concealed weapon.

How about using this latest tragedy as a call to action, to have our existing gun control laws revamped, revised, and ENFORCED, before more people start shooting?

Tomorrow is Monday, and I hate Monday. I probably can't get away with calling off on yet another Monday, though. My supervisor is stupid, but I'm sure she'd catch on.

The doctor asked me during our counseling appointment week before last why I was born. He was going for the 'what were you put on this earth to do' kind of thing, and I couldn't really come up with a good answer for him.

Hmmm... I'm still thinking about that one.

Because I think I need more abuse, I guess, and thanks to TWYLA, I've submitted my blog to be reviewed by So Many Blogs, So Little Time. Why? Who knows.

They'll probably rip me to shreds, but it might be fun. Their waiting list of blogs to be reviewed is pretty long, so I've got plenty of time to spruce things up before their visit, I'm sure.

The 18 year old daughter of a former co-worker died last Thursday, as a result of injuries she sustained in a very, very bad car accident a few days before Easter. The doctors did what they could, drilling hole after hole in her skull to relieve the pressure that kept building due to brain swelling, and cauterizing her spleen to stop internal bleeding (because she wasn't stable enough for surgery). The injuries were beyond their repair, though, and she died late in the afternoon on April 12, in her father's arms, after he and her estranged mother made the decision to shut off the life support.

I didn't really know her father while he worked at the Casa de Insurance, and I didn't even know he had a daughter until I heard about this accident. I find myself, though, unable to stop thinking about this tragic turn of events. I have cried and cried over this teenager I never met, and at the thought of the grief that her parents are now facing. How do you even begin to recover from something such as this?

I am a Christian. I go to church every week. I'm sure I don't read my Bible as much as I should, but I pray earnestly each night when I get into bed, for guidance and wisdom, for strength, for the safety and health of my son. But at times like this, I find myself wanting to rant and scream - How could YOU do this to these people? YOU call yourself loving? YOU call yourself compassionate? Where is the sense in something like this? According to her boyfriend (who was in the car) and the Highway patrolmen at the scene, she wasn't speeding, or talking on her cell phone, or fiddling with the radio. There was no evidence of alcohol or drugs in her system. She was just driving to school, slowed down to avoid an accident in the road ahead of her, and lost control on a patch of black ice on the road from rain the night before.

I think about things like this, and sometimes actually become physically ill. Because of the faulty wiring in my brain, or maybe just because I'm a parent, I'm always led to the thoughts of 'what if something like this happens to my son?', which most times brings me close to a panic attack.

I know that the will of God is not for me to know. I've seen 'The Lion King' and I understand the 'Circle of Life', and I realize that no one knows when it will be 'their time to go'. But I cannot, cannot reconcile in my head such senseless pain and suffering. There is no reason. There is no justification. There is only grief and pain and loss.

I will never understand or accept it.

If you lift something from someone's blog, isn't common courtesy to give credit where credit is due?

That's all I'm sayin'...

Strange Encounter With My Father-in-Law number ????

Maybe I am a prude, and I just don't want to admit it.

The in-laws keep the boy for a few hours every Tuesday afternoon, because my husband has a 3:00pm class that day and there's no way I can get off work early enough to get home to the boy.

I went to pick the boy up this afternoon at the in-laws' place. It was a beautiful afternoon, so we were sitting on their back patio, which overlooks a small pond that's on the property where their condo is. It's Spring, and we all know that in the Spring, young men's hearts turn to thoughts of love. One female duck, hotly pursued by FOUR male ducks, came waddling around the corner of the building. They got hold of her after a minute and proceeded to have their way. I have to say, I really felt bad for her. It wasn't romantic at all, and they were a little rough. She finally broke away and ran for the pond, jumped in, and started dunking herself over and over.

Which prompted my father-in-law to say (as he was laughing)... "She jumped in the pond to have a douche!"

I'm just not sure how I feel about this...

THANKS to HEATHER for the VisualDNA!! Too cool!

Since I'm 'heavily depressed', I thought the dark background was appropriate... for now, anyways.

I have so much to say about this, but just need to organize my thoughts...

Please keep your arms and legs inside the car until the ride comes to a complete stop

"Heavy depression that's now affecting your marriage"

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

... we had our first appointment with a counselor night before last. This was all my idea, of course (which leads me to the very paranoid fear that he's going to end up resenting me for pushing the counseling so aggressively, especially now since it appears that a good portion of the problems we're having are mine, because of said heavy depression mentioned above). I'm thinking this will be quite the roller-coaster ride. I'm still not sure if I'm comfortable with all this. Yes, it was my idea to begin with, so I have no one to blame but myself, and I'm not blaming anyone (over the idea of going to counseling, that is). It makes you feel very vulnerable,though, wide open now for the world to see, hoping you don't catch someone pointing their finger at you and laughing... and hearing someone say the words 'heavy depression that's now affecting your marriage' and knowing they're talking about you makes you feel somehow... well... defective.

I get so nervous when it comes to things like these, and when I get excessively nervous the tears start to flow.

I'm sure this guy just thought I was a real mess.

I really don't want to go back, but I think we have to. I think I have to. I don't think there's any other choice at this point.

I'm thinking about putting some thoughts, ideas, etc., down on paper and taking it with me to our next appointment, so I have my thoughts collected. Talk about anal. The guy we're seeing practices cognitive behavioral therapy, so I'm not aloud to blame things on my husband any longer, but rather look at how I'm responding to what he's doing. Hmmmmm.... I'm so ensconced in the blame-thing that this is really going to be tough for me. But something had to be done, and I was running out of ideas.

So we'll see... wait and see, wait and see, wait and see...