Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving...  and the day after that is my birthday, YAY ME!
The bad thing about the new position at the Casa de Insurance is that I actually have work to do, which really stinks because I was born to slack at work.  At least things have slowed down a bit today, the day before a holiday.
I am trying to come up with a list of things that I'm thankful for.  My life is full of things I should feel (and am, really) thankful for, but it's hard to put it down on paper, for some reason.  My brother called me the other night, asking a few questions about what the boy would like for Christmas.  It was nice to hear from him and all (since I rarely hear from him, even though we're each the only true immediate family that the other one has left, now that both of our parents are gone), but it also reminded me of how distant we are with each other now, and how there's nothing I can do about that.
Which hurts.  Very much so.  And stirs up feelings of anger and resentment, at both him and myself, and rejection, which always hurts...  but even though he's been so distant for so long, and we've grown apart, and I feel almost like we're strangers, even thought I've offered a blanket apology (even though I don't know of anything I've done that would be so offensive to him or his wife) and practically begged for us to be close again, which has never gotten a response from him, I'd still pick up as if nothing had ever happened, if the offer was ever made.  I would accept him with open arms and forget these years of hurting, and pretend as if nothing ever happened...  if that makes sense...  because I miss him.
Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to write down that list of things I'm thankful for...

1 comment:

Teresa Paulina said...

Happy Birthday!! Check out my blog babe!!

As for your brother... I know it's hurting you... but hon, you've done all the right things. At this point, it's his loss. You're the better person here...