I go to see the doctor tomorrow for 3-month check-up/talk about the blood sugar levels/get prescription refills visit (blood work only at every 6-month check-up, hurray). I'm a little nervous about talking to him about the LapBand surgery... I don't know why, but I am.

I was diagnosed with the Type II diabetes (non-insulin dependent) five and a half years ago in August 2002; my how time does fly. I exercised, ate right, got the blood sugar levels under control, and in eight months lost 80 pounds. I was at church one Sunday morning, and a woman I've known all my life - mom to kids around both my and brother's ages - said to me, "Oh Ruth! If you keep losing all this weight and get skinny, you just won't be you anymore!"

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

I wasn't quite sure how to respond to her. I think I said something like, "You don't have to worry about me wasting away, Mrs. Robinson..." That just ranks right up there with "But she has such a pretty face" and my great-grandmother's favorite "She'd be so much prettier if she'd reduce".

I just feel the need to make it clear... when I was younger, losing weight was about liking myself and being attractive. Let's face it - boys don't ask the fat girls out on dates. When you ask a boy what he thinks about a fat girl, he'll tell you she's like his sister - someone he can really talk to. Somewhere along the line, though, I stopped worrying about what people thought about me. I am me, take me or leave me. If you don't like me, well then, I'm only one person and I can't be all things to all people, now can I? Losing weight now is about getting healthy. Losing weight now is about making sure I'm alive to see my son graduate from high school. Losing weight now is about saving literally thousands of dollars a year on medications. Losing weight now is about getting enjoyment out of taking my son to the park to run and play. If only I'd come to this realization before the age of 38! In the past, when I thought about 'weight-loss' surgery, I'd instantly feel like a loser for even considering it. Now when I think about it, it feels like the right decision.

As a co-worker said when we were talking about it last week, being hot after the surgery and resulting weight-loss is just a bonus.