It's been a full week since the... toilet incident. Discussions over when it happened and who it happened to have finally died down.

I feel like a fugitive walking among them.

It was all anyone could talk about the Friday it happened, and understandably so. MY NEW BOSS was the one that found the unintentional plumbing destruction that day. It was the talk of the lunch table.

My boss: "Can you imagine being the person sitting on it at the time it fell off the wall?" At this, I let out a shout of laughter. Thankfully, everyone else at the table did as well.

Another lady: "Maybe they weren't sitting, maybe they were standing on it. Maybe that's why it came off the wall!" More guffaws from the lunch table. All that kept running through my head was 'I hope I'm not turning red! I hope I'm not giving myself away!!'

My boss: "Well I hope they weren't standing on it, because there was [bleep] in it!" (Okay, she said urine. There was pee in the toilet. I peed in the toilet, and left it there in the interest of making it back to my desk and avoid beind discovered as the person who was sitting on the commode when it ripped loose from the wall!) More uproarious laughter from the table. To my ears, my laughter had a somewhat maniacal quality to it. Someone changed the subject then... thank God!

I'd hoped that the interest in the mystery of the vandalized plumbing would die down over the weekend, but no such luck. The following Monday at the lunch table, it came up again. The general consensus was that we needed to figure out who had perpetrated this senseless act of bathroom ruination. My heart sank. Theories began to fly as people compared notes...

"I used that stall right before I left Thursday night at 5 o'clock, and it was fine!"

"Okay, then I went to use it at about 9 am Friday morning, and it was broken then."

"So it was someone that either stays late or comes in early." (Sherlock Holmes would be proud!)

I wanted to shout, 'OH, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE, PEOPLE, WHY IS THIS SUCH A BIG DEAL?? IT'S A TOILET!! IT'S FIXED NOW! LET - IT - GO!!!' But I kept silent.

A lady at the opposite end of the table started talking about the movie Stardust, which she and her husband had seen over the weekend. Everyone's attention shifted, and the mystery of the broken toilet was forgotten.

It hasn't been mentioned since.