Words I Never Wanted to Hear My Mother-in-Law Say...

Seriously, people... I do NOT know how many more of these encounters I can take.

The husband and I have been together for 11 years now, married for almost 10. You'd think after all this time, there would be little that the in-laws could say that would make me want to run from the room screaming, YET they are still managing to come up with new material.

So...

We went to the in-laws' place on the 4th for a little patriotic family time. The mother-in-law and I sat down to watch 'Charlotte's Web' (the live-action version that came out last year - very good, by the way. I highly recommend it.) while the father-in-law, the husband and the son did some male bonding. After that, we sat down to dinner.

As we were eating, the husband was recounting bits of a Bill Engvall special we'd watched a few days before on Comedy Central. His junior high-age son had just gone for his first school sports physical, and was understandably devastated by the turn-your-head-and-cough portion of the exam. Bill held up his index finger towards his son and said, 'Wait 'til you get to be my age.'

- Insert laughter here -

The father-in-law made a few jokes at the husband's expense, because he'll be forty in December, etc., etc. The conversation could've ENDED THERE, and it would've been fine.

But no.

My mother-in-law then had to pipe up with...

"Well, it can't be as bad as having one of those internal ultrasounds, like I just had to have at the gyno!" (Note: if you don't know exactly what the internal ultrasound is, use your imagination. I'm sure you'll get it....) Then she continued with...

"It's like having them stick a dildo up your privates! And it's always a woman that does it! Why do they have a woman sticking something like a dildo up inside you? At least if it was a man doing it maybe it wouldn't be so embarrassing."

What?

Okay - I unfortunately have had to have two of these procedures over the years. Trust me, they're embarrassing regardless of the gender of the ultrasound technician. I can only imagine the idiotic look I had on my face as she was saying this, and all I could think (but somehow managed not to say out loud) was

STOP SAYING DILDO!!!!!

I don't know what else to say, other than Ewww!!!