{insert guttural noise of disgust here...}

I'm still stewing over last night (see post below), which is pointless, but it's my nature.

The ONE THING I was looking forward to this summer SHOT TO HELL because I choose to befriend the mentally unbalanced.

To torture myself, I went to the Warehouse (yes, the DMB official fan site, and yes, I paid $35 for my 1-year membership) website and looked up the set list from last night's concert... and oh it would've been a good show...

08/01/2006
Dave Matthews BandRiverbend Music Center
Cincinnati, OH

Seek Up *
Crash Into Me
Hunger For The Great Light *
The Idea Of You * (AND THIS ONE IS A NEW SONG!!!!!)
American Baby *
Dancing Nancies *
Warehouse *
Where Are You Going
Louisiana Bayou *
Cant Stop
So Much To Say *
Too Much *
Jimi Thing *+
Stay *

Encore:
Everyday *

Special Guests:
* Rashawn Ross on Trumpet
+ Warren Haynes


I don't do a whole lot on my own ie. without the husband and son. I work full-time. The hubby is in school full-time, so Mon-Thur, he walks out the door to school as I walk in the door from work. We don't get to spend loads of time together as a family, so for me to plan to do something on my own is a big deal. And when it's the annual DMB summer tour, it's an even BIGGER deal. The disappointment of this is huge.

But I'll get over it.

{insert guttural noise of disgust here...}

Life Sucks

I originally wrote this post at work this morning, about 11am or so, but the Blogger for Word feature wouldn't work to post it, or the Casa de Insurance has disabled that feature somehow, so I'm just now posting it from home. I read it, and I get even angrier, but at myself this time. I feel like I've been duped somehow. It's hard to explain without going into the long, drawn-out story of JB and said other person that also works at the Casa de Insurance, not to mention a few peripheral characters that have wandered in and out of the story of the last year and a half. You hear so much shit from so many people, and after a while it's hard to know who to believe, which makes me crazy. Better to keep to myself and the friends I already have.



Well fuck.

Fuckity fucking fuck fuck.

Remember the DMB concert I was supposed to be going to tonight?

Yeah. Ain't happening.

As I'm sure you can imagine, I am one pissed puppy right now.

What happened, you ask?

The Casa de Insurance is such a soap opera, as I'm sure most large offices are. The short version of the story is that some bad things happened between JB, my work buddy and fellow-DMB fan, with another person that works here. The end result of it all was that said other person that works here is now living with JB's ex-fiance, has been for a year and a half now, and JB still can't deal with all of it emotionally. Said other person and the ex decided AT THE LAST MINUTE to get tickets to the SAME SOLD-OUT SHOW that we had tickets for tonight, found tickets on E-bay and paid through the nose for them. JB found out about all of this this morning, had a huge panic attack here at the office, and left. She's too distraught to go tonight, blah, blah, blah.

Reading over that, I'm struck by how superficial it sounds. Trust me when I say there's loads more stuff that goes into this whole story, that just isn't worth taking up your time with.

On a good (I guess) note, I was able to sell the tickets to someone else here, so I have at least not just flushed $100 down the toilet.

If you come looking for me, I'll be at home tonight, enjoying lasagna and last night's episode of the Colbert Report on the DVR.

A little bit o'Heaven...

Just 1 week from today, my work buddy JB and I (NOT RWCG who sits in front of me!!) will be jamming with the Dave Matthews Band in Cincinnati...

We have been looking forward to this for MONTHS. I can't even begin to tell you how much we BOTH need to get away for an evening, and there's no better way that I can think of to spend that evening away!

How my week is starting off

You’ll all be happy to know that my mentor (who sits diagonally from me), RWCG (who sits in front of me) and I apparently have our mojo back (kill me now), because we’re all wearing green tops today….   Last week, Monday we all wore green, Tuesday was pink, and Wednesday was green again.  RWCG was VERY disappointed to come in Thursday and find that I was dressed in a gray t-shirt, my mentor was dressed in blue, and she in pink again.  “Aww….   Well that’s okay.  We’ll get our mojo back soon.”

People walking down our aisle notice this, too, and feel the need to stop and comment on it.

RWCG also brow-beat her live-in boyfriend to get a puppy this weekend.  Oh the stories and pictures we’re being regaled with today!!  They (read she) named it Tinkerbell, and the pictures she has show it dressed (OMG!!) in a pink doggie t-shirt that says ‘Princess’.  She wanted to get this puppy ostensibly for her two sons, who are 6 and 8.  He (the boyfriend) didn’t want one; hasn’t wanted one and has always said no when this has come up in the past (he works at the Casa de Insurance, also, so I always get to hear both sides of the story).  It’s his house they live in, and he’s allergic to dogs and cats, but she’s talked him into it, and now he will be getting shots or something, so that he’s able to breath at home, all so that her boys will have a puppy.

Talk about true-love…

Potty Training redux

Since the boy is now 30 months old, we figure it's time to try again. God help us.

We've checked some books out of the library, including one called Toilet Training in Less Than a Day that involves something about you having your toddler teach a doll to use the potty, complete with doll-sized diapers and raisins as doll-poop in the diaper.

The mind reels.

It does not, of course, help that we're starting to get comments from my mother-in-law. Comments like "Well, when you finally decide to start with him, let me know, and I'll get a potty just like you have, so we can work with him when he's over here, too." and "You know, I had twins, and they were both potty trained by the time they were two!"

It's so nice to have such a supportive family.

We have this:

on DVD, which we could only find on Ebay. We've watched several times with him. It has a catchy little theme song, complete with an Mtv-like video of ultra-cute little ones singing the Potty Song both before and after the feature cartoon. It's not bad, as far as potty training aides go (not that I'm an expert).

And we broke down, because that's what parents do, and bought him this:

because he of course loves Elmo. What is it about Elmo with the kids? In case you haven't seen this one up close and personal, Elmo comes complete with his own sippy cup, potty, book on going to the potty, t-shirt and yes, a little pair of Elmo-sized tighty-whitey's. When you squeeze his left hand, he tells you he's thirsty, yada, yada, yada. If you put the sippy cup in his mouth and press down, he glug, glug, glugs, then goes through the potty routine... you get the idea. Quite often, though, as you're walking through the house, and usually when we've been gone somewhere and are returning home, we'll come upon Elmo laying on the floor looking like this

which can be very disturbing, because you're just not quite sure what's been going on. We're pretty sure the cat has something to do with it, but have yet to catch her in the act.

And, of course, we have the requisite small, plastic potty for him. When we sit him on the potty, though, he starts to cry and whimper, looks up at you with the big puppy-dog brown eyes and says 'Get off?'. Is it possible that he's actually scared of the potty? I'm starting to wonder. Maybe now, in fact, is not the time to start this again.

Shouldn't things like this be instinctual? How is it that cats somehow know to go to the litter box without much cajoling, yet it takes so much effort to teach humans to use the toilet? If anyone knows the answer to this, please enlighten me.

where do I sign up?

Seen on a bumper sticker while out and about today...

From Maidink... something interesting to make you think (and to make me not have to come up with something witty to write about).

To those of you who'll read this and think 'Oh my God!' as your mouth drops open, I apologize. Probably more info than you ever wanted (so who am I to complain about the best friend talking about her boyfriend's yoo-hoo, right?).

GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice? Catalina or Green Goddess

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? McDonald's There's just something about their breakfast food...

What is your favorite sit down restaurant? I've forgotten what sit-down restaurants are like, since our son always throws a fit when we go.

On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? If the service is good, 20-25%.

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Pizza. Or salad. Or both.

Name three foods you detest above all others. plain, cooked spinach, mushrooms, fish that isn't covered by at least a 1/2 inch of breading

What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? General Tso's chicken

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Onions, green olives & bacon

What do you like to put on your toast? Butter & peanut butter, in that order

What is your favorite type of gum? Good, old fashioned Dentyne

Number of contacts in your cell phone? 57 (oh my God!), but over 1/2 are work related, and it includes all the doctors, both mine and the boy'sn

Number of contacts in your email address book? 15

What is your wallpaper on your computer? A picture of the boy

What is your screensaver on your computer? Whatever came with the computer when we bought it.

Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? Nope

How many land line phones do you have in your house? 1

How many televisions are in your house? 2

What kitchen appliance do you use the least? Believe it or not, the microwave

What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? NPR. There are no good music stations around here.

How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? None... as in I don't own any. (Is that sad?)

BI-OLOGY

What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? My eyes

Are you right handed or left handed? Right handed.

Do you like your smile? Yes. I have very nice teeth.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yes

Would you like to? Other than all the excess fat, no.

Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Nope - get it and get out is my motto (no pun intended).

Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Can intuition be considered a sense? If not, then sight.

When was the last time you had a cavity? never (don't hate me because I have good teeth)

What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? my son

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? not that I recall... hmmmm.....

MISC-OLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Absolutely not.

If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? No, I've finally gotten used to Ruth

How do you express your artistic side? Writing, papercrafts

What color do you think you look best in? brown

How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? I'm pretty scrappy... I'd say 20-30 minutes.

Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? no

If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? Heaven's no. The thought of that makes me gag.

How often do you go to church? 2-3 times per month

Have you ever saved someone’s life? no

Has someone ever saved yours? no

DARE-OLOGY

For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? I would give it serious thought, what the hell. And a lot would depend on what street it was.

Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Probably

Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? As long as I could pick the girl, I would probably give it serious thought...

Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? Both pinkies? No. Just one? Maybe

Would you never blog again for $50,000? You betcha (sorry, my dear loyal readers)

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? Ummmm...... no

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? No. The after-affects just wouldn't be worth it.

Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? Never. But, if that human life touched, harmed, or did something very bad to my child, it would be a freebie. (Maidink's answer to this was such a good one, that I'm going to use it, too.)

Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? Sure, why not.

Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Absolutely.

Useful bits of information...

Just in case you were curious... a remote control will not work once it's gone through the washing machine. Luckily, there are stores locally that sell remote controls for satellite systems, so we don't have to order one directly from the Dish Network and wait for it to be shipped.

Because God knows we couldn't live without the remote.

Ruth 1, Right-Wing Conservative Girl 0

Having the type II Diabetes requires me to go to my doctor every 3 months to have various blood tests done.  Not fun, but necessary.  I went mid-June to have this done.  Normally, the doctor calls about a week to week and a half after I’ve been in and we talk about the results on the phone, then I stop in and pick up any new prescriptions that I might need.  After two weeks and still no word from the doctor, I called in… and called in… and called in… each time leaving a message for one of the Medical Assistants to give me a call back, yada, yada, yada.  

Last week rolled around, and still no call back, so I just went ahead and made an appointment to go in.  Slightly inconvenient, yes,  but not a big deal.

Yesterday, I got a message from one of the Medical Assistants…   “Hi, this is Tanisha from Dr. Bennett’s office.  I saw in your chart that you had blood work done about 3 weeks ago, and I wanted to make sure you’d had a chance to go over the results with someone.  Give me a call back.”  I was at work when I got the message.  Annoying?  Yes.  But it kind of made me laugh at the same time.  I’m tired of getting pissed off about things.  I called back and left a message for Tanisha saying nicely  that after calling several times and not getting a call back, I’d finally just come in to see the doctor for the results, so everything was taken care of.  When I hung up the phone, Right-Wing Conservative Girl in front of me decided to add her 2 cents…

“Now, see, if it was me, I don’t think I would’ve been so nice.  I think I would’ve said something more like (in a snotty voice) ‘Well, Tanisha, after calling over and over again and not getting a call back, I finally just gave up and made an appointment with the doctor last Friday.  But thanks for calling.”

Me:  “Well, see, that’s the difference between you and me.  I do my best to try to not piss people off…”

And then I went to lunch.

I just love my new bitchy self…

Aren't we just the sweetest looking family...

Let me pick your brain for a minute

Big Brother is watching…

Case de Insurance has updated their internet whatever to not allow the viewing of blog pages, also meaning I can’t get on to post at work during those times when I just don’t feel like shuffling papers for a few minutes. Being the smart cookie that I am, though, I downloaded and installed the Blogger for Word feature before they banned the blogs, so I can still post – take that you Socialist bastards!

I have an ethical dilemma that I need your help with. I have a kind-of friend (and it really is someone I know and not me…) who is divorced and has a young daughter (11 years old). Said kind-of friend is somewhat mentally unstable, and rather fond of both recreational and prescription drugs, as well as Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Okay, maybe ‘somewhat mentally unstable’ is an understatement. She’s been suicidal several times since we’ve gotten to know each other the last few years. She keeps it together well enough to hold down a job here at the Casa de Insurance and pay her bills, but it’s a real struggle for her. The bottom line is that she needs serious help – she needs to check in someplace for a while and dry out, get all of the crap out of her system, then get some therapy to get all of the crap out of her head – but she refuses. Thinks therapy is a bunch of crap, and only goes to the psychiatrist for refills of her sleeping pills and Xanex. She regularly comes to work loaded up on God-knows what (surprising that her supervisor hasn’t done something about this, don’t you think?). She sometimes blacks out at home, and on at least one occasion her daughter could not get her to wake up, which scared her to death so she called her dad (the ex-husband) to come over. She convinced him that she had the flu and that she’d taken some Nyquil to get some sleep.

I’ve talked and talked and talked to her, and none of it does any good. I am concerned not only for her, but for her daughter as well. I feel like I should do something more, but am afraid the aftermath of anything more that I might do would completely devastate her and result in something very, very bad.

What do you think?

Clickity-clack

Clickity-clack…

Clickity-clack…

Clickity-clack…

Right-wing conservative girl in front of me BANGS on her keyboard all day long.  Email.  Instant message.  Back to email.  The sound of it will make you insane.

… iPod, take me away…

Last week was so peaceful – she was on vacation.  No constant key-tapping, no long, drawn-out stories about things that people really couldn’t care less about.  No listening to the irritating, childlike voice she uses when she talks on the phone.  I paid for it yesterday, though, with vacation story after vacation story, endless pictures that she’d taken with her camera-phone and her digital camera…  oh… my… God…

I’d like to know exactly when and how I built up so much bad karma.

And when did I get to be such a bitch?

I almost took her head off a few minutes ago.

She has two young sons ( 6 and 8 ) by TWO different fathers.  She’s been married and divorced THREE times, by the way, if I haven’t mentioned that before, but she’s VERY religious (while living with her current boyfriend, who does not attend church with her…).  The tax return of the father of the oldest boy was just deposited into her checking account, because he’s a little behind on his child support, and she’s giddy.  She won’t stop talking about it.  Oh the THINGS she’s going to buy with that extra $1900 she just got, none of which sound as if they have anything to do WITH HER SON.

But who am I to judge?


The psycho-analysis I’ve been doing on myself lately is staggering.  A therapist would make a fortune off me.  

I feel haunted by memories of my parents right now, so much so that I had to move the pictures of them out of our living room temporarily, because I was bursting into tears every time I looked at them.  It feels as if there’s unfinished business there, but I can’t figure out what it is.

Also, I am apparently very envious of my husband and the fact that he’s going back to school to start a new career.  This envy, of course, is being spurred on by the fact that I hate this new job I’ve taken.  It’s not that I don’t like the work, or that I can’t do the work.  The people, for the most part, are okay, but you run into idiots wherever you go.  There seems to be an unspoken expectation that you work more than 40 hours per week, without expecting to be paid overtime…  and this is NOT a salaried position, so isn’t that illegal?  I refuse to do it, period, and I think that’s not being looked upon too favorably…  but if I can get my assigned work done in 40 hours per week, why should I be here longer?  Yet there sits K at home, still not doing much in the way of housework, mind you, playing with the boy all day and enjoying him as he grows up.  And he’s not taking school nearly as seriously as I think he should.  It’s all just getting under my skin right now, and consequently our relationship is a little strained.  We’ve been through worse, though, so I’m sure we’ll get through this.

In a rare show of intelligence, the Casa de Insurance has given us both Monday and Tuesday off next week, to celebrate the birth of our great nation.  We are taking advantage of this 4-day weekend and going to KY, to visit my dear friend Mou and his lovely wife.  On the way to their place, we’re stopping outside Louisville to visit my brother and his family, see their new home, etc.  We’re spending Saturday night with them.  Can I just say…  I’m actually nervous about this.  Why?  I’ll be honest – my sister-in-law.  We have so much in common (at least I thought we did – favorite authors, hobbies, etc), that you’d think we’d be great friends.  Somewhere along the line, though, she seems to have taken a dislike to me, and I’ve never figured out why.  We’ll see how it goes…

Thanks for listening…

I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I hate it when i feel like this....

A new era has begun...

With moving departments, the woman that sits in the cubicle behind me has been replaced by the right-wing conservative girl that sits in front of me. We started within just a few months of each other, so I’ve known and worked closely with her the whole time I’ve worked here at the Casa de Insurance. She is aggressive and thinks everyone is out to get her. She wants to move up in the company and she’s determined that no one will get in her way, which has gotten her into trouble more than once (For example, last year, telling our then-supervisor, in front of quite a few co-workers, that he wasn’t qualified to be a supervisor. She never apologized to him, and was then stunned when he trashed her in her performance review at the end of the year. Hmmmm….). She is nice enough, most of the time, but annoying.

So if feeling good about this is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. We were on a conference call together yesterday that included big-wigs from the corporate office, regarding a project that we’re both working on. The topic of the call got a little off-track at one point. Thinking she had her phone on mute, she let out a heavy sigh and said to me “Why are we wasting time talking about this?!?! I mean really!! This is why we never get anything done!!!”

All conversation on the call stopped for a few seconds, then the project manager spoke up, asking who it was that had just made those comments. Dead silence. Thankfully, my mute button works because I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. She never did fess up to the project manager that it was her, and probably won’t. I can’t wait to see what the fall-out from this might be, because our project manager is not one to let something like this go.

To those of you that were sad to hear of me moving away from the woman that sits in the cubicle behind me, cheer up. This is not the last you will hear of the right-wing, conservative girl, I promise you!

Can I just say...

I loathe these times when life gets in the way of what you'd rather be doing. Times like these make me very salty and hard to deal with.

I'm not quite sure right now if my marriage will survive K going to school for the next 2 years. We've got one quarter under our belts now, and OH MY GOD what a struggle THAT was! SEVEN more quarters of this???????? The th0ught makes me shudder.

I need to accept the fact that my house will never be clutter-free again, because by the time W.T. is grown and gone, I'll be too tired to re-organize. Toys are, of course, strewn hither and yon, and it makes... me... crazy. Sometimes you just have to let things go, though.

I've switched doctors, going back to the doctor I was seeing before W.T. was born, who (or whom? I never get it right...) I stopped seeing because, even with an appointment, you had to wait (no joke) upwards of 2 hours to get in to see her. My blood sugar, though, is just not coming around to where it should be, and 2 years of this is enough. For the last year, he's thrown a new prescription at me at each appointment. For the diabetes ALONE I take 3 pills and inject 2 medicines daily (one of them twice a day, which means three injections daily... don't look at my stomach, I look like a junkie). I DON'T LIKE THAT. At my last appointment, I tried again to voice my concerns. He started throwing out things like liquid-protein diets, some new weight-loss drug approved by the FDA that will be out in the fall, and 'exploring all of the non-surgical options to get this weight off'. That was the last straw for me. The weight will come off once the blood sugar is under control. It happened before, and I know it will happen again. The key right now is finding the magic formula to get the blood sugar under control. Eating right and exercising arent' the problem. The 'new' doctor switched out one med for another and took more blood. I'm supposed to get the results from her in about a week. I already feel better - perhaps this new drug was the missing key to all this. And there must be something to it, because others have noticed and commented that I seem perkier and more upbeat. We'll see.

It's never going to end... or maybe it has...

Talking to the best friend this afternoon, which doesn't happen much anymore, now that the boyfriend is in the picture. Yes, I think I'm experiencing a spot of jealousy, but that's for another time...

But the conversation today may the one that pushes me over the edge... hang on to your seat...

Her: "John came over and spent the night again last night."

Me: "Ah"

Her: "He said he thinks he's going to have to go back to the doctor"

Me: "Back to the doctor? That doesn't sound good..."

Her: "Yeah, he told me it's something that used to happen before, when he masturbated..."

Have you picked yourself up off the floor yet?

I have no idea what exactly she said after that, because I put the phone down for a few seconds while I cleared my head... something about feeling blood pounding in his jugular vein and being afraid he was going to have a stroke.

I'm STILL speechless over this one, and the conversation took place about 8 hours ago. I so very much want to scream "When did it become okay to talk about things like this??? I don't want to know this!!! I don't care that we've known each other forever, STOP TELLING ME THINGS LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Maybe I'm a prude. Maybe I'm more conservative than I ever dreamed I was (God help me). This whole thing is making me SOOOOOOOOOOOO uncomfortable, yet I'm afraid of what might happen if I say anything. We've known each other all our lives, yet we're just not the type of people that really talk about our feelings.

Must come from being Presbyterian.

Well, I finally have a desk of my very own, in my new department, at the Casa de Insurance. I succeeded in evicting the infidel who refused to vacate said desk. Some time ago, before I transferred to this department, someone with a Magnetic Poetry set left the message 'You are a pain' on one of his filing cabinets. He left this for me when he moved (while throwing a rather loud temper tantrum, mind you, that quite a few people could hear). This was Friday.

I was struck with what I thought was a brilliant idea over the weekend... and Monday morning I left a message at his new desk, taken from my own Magnetic Poetry set, that read simply 'Too bad, so sad.'

I was rather proud of myself for that.

My veggie boy

W.T. tried asparagus for the first time today. He seemed to like it. He's always been a vegetable-boy, so I'm not surprised. He looked so cute with the little flecks of green around his mouth when he was finished.

The only bad thing was that it was, in fact, the green-colored crayon called "asparagus" in the Crayola 64-pack. Yes, he'd chewed on about 1/2 an inch of it. Heaven only knows how much he actually swallowed. Thank heavens they're non-toxic.

I thought about telling K when he gets home from school, but I think it will be more amusing to wait for the phone call at work tomorrow that will start out with "Is his poop supposed to be green?"

81 days and counting...

YEAH BABY!!!

My dad at 22, in 1942.

Lot's of anniversaries this week. Anniversaries make me contemplative, introspective, and all the other synonyms of looking inside yourself to try to figure things out. Why have things turned out the way they have? Lots of 'what if's'... what if I'd gone on to graduate school after college? What if K hadn't answered the personal add I put in the small, local newspaper (have I ever mentioned that's how we met?)? What if the birth control we were using had done its job the way it was supposed to?

Life would be so much different...

But this too shall pass, I'm sure.

Today is the first anniversary of my father's death. Is that even possible? It really doesn't seem like it.

I haven't talked to my best friend much the last 2 weeks, since the whole birthday extravaganza. I've called several times, only to be blown off with 'Oh, John (remember him, with the big yoo-hoo?) is supposed to be calling. Can I call you back later?' No return call was ever received later in the evening. Ouch - that smarts. I called today... just a little bit ago. I stayed home from work today, and she's off on Wednesdays.

"We're just sitting here watching a movie. What's up?"

"Just hadn't talked to you in a while. I stayed home from work today, thought I'd call and see what was going on."

"Stayed home from work - that's always fun..."

At this point, I reminded her what the day was... "Oh! Has it been a year? I can't believe that."

"Yeah, I think I'm doing okay, though. No big outburst of tears yet."

"Well that's good. Listen, can I call you back later tonight, once John's gone?"

Thirty-five years of friendship, and I don't rate more than 5 minutes on the phone on the anniversary of the death of a parent? I'm still speechless. Slap me in the face, why don't you? Maybe I'm overly-sensitive right now, but to me that seemed rather a bitchy thing to do. Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled that she's found someone that has true prospects of being THE ONE, but this is taking it a little far if you ask me. I just don't know where to go with all this. This isn't the first time in our 35 years of knowing each other that I've had feelings like this, but we're not the kind of people that express these things. Everything is repressed. We were both brought up in families that didn't talk about anything, ESPECIALLY feelings. Are we growing apart after all this time? Could be, I guess. It's a very lonely feeling.

Me & K at our wedding 12/05/97

Sometime this week, the 12th, maybe, it will be 10 years since the mr and I met... hard to believe. We still look pretty much the same. The part in his hair is a little wider now, if you know what I mean, and my hair isn't quite so big these days, but that's us. And he has a wonderful smile, just not when you put him in front of a camera (ever see the 'Friends' episode where Monica & Chandler are getting their engagement picture taken?).

So that's us, for anyone who might've been curious.

10 years... 120 months, 520 weeks, 3650 days. 87,600 hours. At times it's flown by, and at times it has dragged unbelievably. We've been through so much crap that it makes the head spin. Many times, I've had to step back and remind myself what it was that made me fall in love with and marry him, and I'll admit that I've wondered more than once if it was all a mistake.

But then he leaves to go to his evening classes, or to study at the library, or I leave in the morning to go to work, and as soon as we're not in the same place together, I miss him. So would I do it all over again?

Yeah, I would...

See what happens when I have too much free time on my hands... K is at school studying, and the boy is playing quietly by himself with the Little Einsteins on the Disney Channel in the background. My father-in-law called just a little while ago to ask if I was bored, since I wasn't at work and had nothing to do (insert confused look here).

Is this new template obnoxious? The other was absolutely getting on my nerves. The extra-wide margins were just irritating. It had to go. None of the other Blogger templates appealed to me, and I'm not savvy enough to re-configure the old template to look how I want it to look, so I must rely on the talent of others for a fresh new look. I've requested the 'Blogging for Dummies' book from the library, but my name is far down on the list.

My best friend's new boyfriend...

Finally, a few much-needed days off from work to relax, spend time with the punkin, and catch up on blogging. I could use 2 weeks off, but they are stingy with the vacation days at the Casa de Insurance, so I'm only taking 3 days.

Do I have a desk yet in the new department I've moved to?
No.
Does my new supervisor seem overly concerned about the fact that I've worked for her for a month and a half now and still haven't relocated to her area?
No.
Has my old supervisor hired a replacement for me?
Yes.
Will he soon be needing the desk I'm still occupying for the person he's hired?
Yes.

The guy I've replaced is still refusing to move from his current location, and the new supe isn't really doing a whole lot about it. This does not bode well for the future.

On top of everything else, I'm vaguely annoyed with my best friend right now. Let's call her Mary...

At the end of March, Mary had been dating a guy for about 6 weeks, when he unexpectedly dumped her BY SENDING HER A TEXT MESSAGE. How crappy is that? She'd never used the text message feature of her phone, so this was the first text she'd ever gotten. Even crappier. Understandably, she was feeling pretty blue. Her birthday is at the end of April, so I decided, being the good friend I am, to make it a blow-out this year, to cheer her up. I planned the entire afternoon and evening, sent her an 'invitation' to the birthday extravaganza, even made a commemorative mix cd for the occasion.

About 3 weeks ago, just about 1 or 2 weeks after being dumped electronically, she met a new guy. Apparently, this could be the one. Don't get me wrong - I'm happy for her. She's an incredible person and it always astonishes me that someone hasn't already snatched her up. She has been talking about this guy constantly - let's call him John - and it all sounds great.

But...

I hate to say it, but I'm a little hesitant to meet him. She describes him as a 'not afraid to speak his mind, don't ask him a question if you don't really want to hear the answer' kind of guy (which is a good thing), yet some examples she's given of this make him sound just downright rude. He goes to church (as do we), but has commented to her several times about how boring he thinks our church sounds. His church has flashy video screens and they dance and clap their hands when the spirit moves them, and they serve bagels and juice. We're Presbyterians. Presbyterians just don't do stuff like that. But we do serve cookies & punch after the service. She doesn't want to bring him to our church on a Sunday morning because "I know he'll hate it!" That offends me. I get the feeling from the way she talks about it that she's almost ashamed of this church that we've gone to since we were babies together in the nursery.

And then there's the sex. I've never been one to share lots of bedroom details with people. I'm not a prude, and I'm not afraid to talk about sex, but I don't need to know your nitty-gritty details, and I probably won't be telling you mine. Mary's always been the same way, but suddenly with this guy, I have to hear ALL ABOUT EVERYTHING that's been going on. I've said several times "No really, you don't need to tell me all this stuff...", but to no avail. Uck.

So here we are this past Friday, which was her birthday. She got to my house a little after 1pm. I had lunch ready (a salad of baby spinach, dried cranberries, slivered almonds, thinly sliced red onion, feta cheese & balsamic vinaigrette dressing, crusty bread with herb butter, sparkling water, huge homemade lemon squares for dessert... Yummy!). We ate... she got a call on her cell from John.

We relaxed for a bit after lunch, then headed out for our first stop - manicures at the shop where I get my hair cut. I love my hair-girl. She's a miracle worker. She does great with nails, too. Mary seemed a little irritated when we got there, and kind of argued a little with my hair-girl about not wanting any color on her nails. Then she got a call on her cell from John while I was getting my nails done.

Manicures completed, we headed towards Cincinnati for dinner and a show at a place I'd found online called the Shadowbox Cabaret. Two hours of comedy skits and live music, think Mad TV. Cincinnati is about an hour-ish from where we live, which translated into lots of talk about John-this, John-that, in-between calls on the cell. Twenty miles into the trip and I was already extremely annoyed. This is completely unlike her, but I'm so glad that she's found someone that she's this enthusiastic about, I don't want to say anything. Somehow the (limited) conversation wound around to the fact that he's 5'6" tall, kind of short for a guy. "He's not shy about walking around naked after sex." Okay, that's a comment I can handle. "It's good that he feels that comfortable with you already," I reply. To which she responds, while laughing, "Yeah, well, um... he's a short guy with a big dick, and he wants everyone to know it!"

What???? Back the truck up, Nelly!!

Had I not been in rush-hour traffic on a bridge crossing from Ohio into Kentucky, I very well might have pulled the car over. This is NOT the kind of information I want or NEED to hear about this guy. Not to mention the fact that I've never heard her use the word 'dick' before, as hard as that may be to believe. I'm so taken aback by this comment that all I can do is let out a pathetic laugh, while muttering "Which exit are we supposed to take on the other side of the bridge?"

Thank heavens we were headed to a place where the music was loud, making conversation nearly impossible. At the intermission of the show there was, of course, another phone call. Apparently he was working until 9pm and was very bored because business at the furniture store where he's a sales person has been slow. 46 years old and he can't find anything to occupy his time while he's at work? Hmmm....

This should be interesting...

So.......................

.................. about a month ago (and I can't believe I haven't put this up here sooner), the hubby and I were in the bedroom (don't worry, this is G rated). It was about 8:15pm. The little punkin was in bed, I was watching television, and the husband was looking at some of his school assignments. He got up to go to the kitchen... turned the doorknob... turned the doorknob again... turned the doorknob again while muttering curses under his breath. Guess what?

The door wouldn't open.

Now, this particular doorknob has given us problems since we bought the house (almost 8 years ago), and I'd been asking the husband (for about a month) to put some WD-40 on it, which usually takes care of the problem (but he didn't). The inevitable had finally happened. The latch on this thing was completely sprung and would not move a millimeter. My husband, God love him, was trying with all his might to get the door open... turning and twisting the knob and pulling as hard as he could and cussing the whole time, but nothing was happening.

Husband's idea #1: Take the doorknob off and pop the latch. A great idea but... 1) we don't keep a screwdriver in the bedroom (silly me) and 2) the screw for the doorknob is on the other side of the door.

Husband's idea #2: He'll crawl out the window and come in the front door and open the door from the outside. Another great idea but... we're settled in for the evening, so the front door is locked. Neither one of us has our keys with us. Mine are on the dining room table. His are in a basket by the front door.

Husband's idea #3: Try to jimmy the door open using a plastic card from his wallet. Although the problem was not that the door was locked, he gave it his all, but to no avail. And now his library card is ruined.

Notice that, yes, all these ideas are coming from the husband. I wasn't in the background panicking. There are times when it's best for me just to step back and let my husband do his 'man-thing', and I try my best to oblige him whenever these situations come up. Plus, it was a Tuesday and House was about to come on.

Husband's idea #4: Call his brother, who lives about 10 minutes from us, to ask if he still has the key we gave him when he house-sat for us about 4 years ago while we were on vacation.

I'm sure it doesn't come as a shock that I don't really care for my brother-in-law all that much. He has a very irritating personality. He is constantly trying to impress my father-in-law. For the first 18 months of my son's life, he would pretend to offer the boy a beer and a cigarette whenever he was over to play cards. Apparently, this was supposed to be amusing. Several times, he compared caring for our child to he and his wife caring for their dogs... "Well, when one of the dogs acts up/won't stop whining/whatever, we smack it on the nose with a rolled up newspaper." This was supposed to be amusing, also, but one night I'd had my fill, snapped at him after one of these comments, stormed out of the room and slammed the bedroom door so hard that (I'm not kidding) a picture fell off the wall. At that point, my father-in-law looked at my husband and said "She doesn't really think that he thinks the boy is a dog, does she?"

Oh my God.

But here we were, stuck in our bedroom, the boy asleep across the hall in his crib, and our best option for getting out of this alive is calling the brother-in-law that makes my eyes roll back in my head. Couldn't we call 9-1-1 instead? Isn't this an emergency? I can feel the oxygen supply decreasing rapidly, and too me that makes it an emergency.

But not really.

So the husband calls...

"Hi M, it's K. Is E home?"
(pause)
"Can you ask him to call me when he's done?"
(pause)
"Okay, thanks. Hey, do you know if he still has the key we gave him when he house-sat for us a few years ago?"
(pause)
"No... we're not locked out of the house. There's something wrong with the latch on our bedroom door, and we can't get the door open."
(It was at this moment that our humiliation became etched in the family history books. Did I hear laughter coming through the phone? I hung my head in shame.)
"Yeah, just have him come over whenever he's done. And can you ask him to be kind of quiet when he comes in? W's already asleep."

Twenty or so minutes later, we heard the front door quietly open and close. Then the doorknob rattled as E tried to open the door from the hallway. Then, a quiet knocking on the door. Did he think he'd be interrupting something?

"K? It's E." Would there be anyone else standing in our hallway at this moment? "I'm going to have to take the doorknob off. Where are your screwdrivers?"

They worked for over an hour, first getting the doorknob off, then prying apart the latch. It was as if the latch had fused itself into the door frame, and the only way to get it out was to completely destroy it with a screwdriver and a hammer. I got a very dirty look when I helpfully said (still annoyed that we were in this situation in the first place, and convinced that we would not be if he'd listened to me and oiled-up the door like I'd been asking him too) "Hopefully the house won't catch on fire while we're stuck in here", so I laid on the bed and watched House. I think my brother-in-law could sense that it was best not to make any comments on the situation once we were freed, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was storing away all sorts of smart-ass comments that he would unleash on K the next time they play cards. Like he needs any ammunition for his 7th-grade sense of humor.

And, of course, our son slept through the whole thing.

I am not sure we rewrite history when we think about those we love that have died or if we just forgive them their humanness and remember their spirit.

I've been thinking a lot, not surprisingly, about my dad lately. Two weeks from Wednesday will be the first anniversary of his death, which I just cannot believe. I hate that time seems to move so much faster now that I have a child.

I ran across the quote above on another blog I was looking at, about 2am Saturday when I couldn't sleep. I read it and suddenly many things that have rattled around in my head this past year came into sharp focus.

My father was not a perfect man, or father, by any means. I think I've said on here before that I don't think he ever truly wanted to be a father, but rather accommodated my mother by agreeing to adopt 2 children since she could not bear any of her own. He worked hard as a civilian fork-lift operator at the Air Force base we live close to, up at 5am Monday thru Friday for 10-12 hour days. He wasn't overly affectionate, and when he was angry he could be mean. I don't remember him ever playing games with us, or helping us with our homework, or reading us a book. That's what Mom did when her health permitted. I'm sure he was overly-strict, especially with my older brother. Their relationship was never good, and when my brother left for college he didn't look back. Rejection, plain and simple. He seemed to want to forget where he came from. To the day he died, my father was so proud of my brother, of the fact that he followed our grandfather's example and became a minister, of his first two grandchildren that he rarely got to see. Both of my parents understood that he had his own life to lead and family to take care of, so they gave him his space to do so and didn't interfere, never complained that they rarel got a visit or even so much as a phone call from their oldest child.

No, he was not the ideal father, but I can't say he had much of an example to learn from. My father was the son of Presbyterian missionaries. He was born in Toledo, OH in 1920. He lived with my grandparents in the French Cameroons in west-central Africa until he was old enough to go to school, then was sent back to the U.S. to either attend boarding school, or live with a family willing to board a missionary's child and attend whatever school the family was in the district of. He moved almost yearly, and didn't graduate from high school until he was 22. The visits to him and his two older brothers from their parents were few and far between until they retired from mission work in the early 1960's and settled in Florida.

My father and I became very close after my mother died. I was amazed, because my relationship with him had never been wonderful... not as bad as his relationship with my brother, but we had our share of knock-down, drag-out fights. He opened up about things that I don't think he'd talked about in 30 years. He told me about his experiences in WWII. He told me about his first wife and that it was she that left him for another man, which I'd never known before. He was a special person and I miss him very, very much (some of you reading this may be gasping with shock, but it's true!).

No one's childhood is perfect. Some are far worse than others, yes, but ours was not that bad when you get right down to it. We didn't have excess, but we never lacked for anything. My mother was manic-depressive, for God's sake. Pile that on top of two kids, and it's amazing that my dad stayed the course. I realized as a young adult that they did the best they could, and that's all that should matter. I wish my brother could see that... I've tried to make him see that... but I don't think he ever will. And that's a shame.

I'm quite certain they're going to take away my blogging privileges soon. I've just blinked my eyes and the month of April is almost gone. It's almost as if I can hear time whooshing past me. Work, eat, sleep... work, eat sleep... work, eat, sleep... you get the idea. Nothing new here. It all feels very tedious.

4 weeks into it and I'm already wishing I hadn't taken this new job. The new supe still has not found a desk for me in the new department. The guy I replaced is still sitting in his 'old' desk, as he still works for the Casa de Insurance but now reports directly to our corporate office instead of to anyone locally. Another desk/space/whatever you want to call the blue-fabric lined cubicles we sit in was found for him, but he refuses to move to it because it's too small for him. A step down from what he has now. It is a smaller desk area, but 1) it's temporary until another area of the building is renovated and 2) stop whining, you big baby, the supervisor has told you have to move so I can have your seat, so move! My former supe has already filled my spot in his department, and will soon need the desk that I still occupy. I have a feeling I'll be pushing my belongings around in a Walmart shopping cart before the end of next week.

Perhaps this weekend I'll be inspired with some witty prose to post on here...

Toto, I don't think we're in Ohio anymore...

An important anniversary slipped quietly by me this past Monday. I can't believe I didn't think about it until several days later. If you're curious, or just don't have anything better to do some afternoon, Google '1974 Xenia tornado'.

April 3, 1974... during a 24 hour period, 148 tornados hit the South and Midwest. The Super Outbreak. As far as I know, it's still the worst outbreak in history. The theory is that several smaller tornados came together to form the monster F5, one of six F5 tornados that day, that hit Xenia, OH. That's a picture of it up there, as it was coming into town. It was on the ground for over 9 minutes, and the path it cut through the town was almost a mile wide. It killed 33 people and destroyed over 1300 homes & buildings. The city was declared a national disaster area, and the National Guard was called in. It took nearly 3 months to haul all of the rubble and debris out of the city.

But hey, Richard Nixon came to visit.

I grew up in Xenia. Lived there until I got married at 27 and moved to where I live now, about 20 minutes or so away. I was 4 when the tornado hit. It's sounds very cliche, but I do remember it quite vividly. I was in pre-school with about 100 other kids at the Nazarene church. I'd gone out to the drinking fountain and was going back to my classroom when the fire alarm in the church went off. Being the polite child that I was, I tried to push past the teacher so I could get into the room and get at the back of the line, but she grabbed me and shoved me in front, then started marching us down the hall. We huddled there for what seemed like forever. The electricity went out pretty quickly, but what I remember most is the noise. It was just incredible, this deafening roar of wind. I can still hear it in my mind.

Then it was over. No one in the church was hurt, although as I was looking back over news stories of the day, I read for the first time that a man who'd helped the teachers get the kids to the basement was killed near the church as he was trying to get back to his home. We sang songs, and the teachers gave us Cheez-its and cold tomato soup for supper. The memory of it gets fuzzy at that point. The church above us was destroyed. I'm sure there was considerable debris removal that had to be done before they could get us out of the basement. Pardon me for waxing religious for a moment, but it truly was a miracle that none of us were hurt.

I was one of the last kids to have someone come for them. My dad had tried to drive through town to get me, but the roads were blocked so he had to take the car home, then walk from our house to the church, about a mile I think. It was still raining. Somebody gave him a scarf to put around my head, and he carried me home. I remember looking back over his shoulder at the church, or, I should say, the enormous pile of bricks and boards that used to be the church. When I think about it now, the first thing that comes to mind is that I can't imagine what my dad must have felt when he first saw where the building I was supposed to be in used to be standing. My mom was fine, sitting at home with a friend that had been visiting that afternoon. My brother was fine. Our house sustained very little damage - we were at the very edge of the path the tornado cut through town. Some shingles blew off, and a tree in our yard was uprooted. My mom had refused to go down into our storm cellar, which as it turned out was a smart move. The storm cellar was tiny, maybe big enough for 3-4 average size adults to stand shoulder to shoulder but not bigger. The top of the tree in our backyard that fell landed directly on the storm cellar door. Had they been down there, there's no telling how long it would've taken someone to find them, and I can't imagine they would've made it very long, considering how small the space was.

Maybe it's silly after all this time... strong winds and bad storms still give me an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I always breath a little easier when the month of April is over. K thinks I'm silly, but everytime there's a tornado warning in our area, I remind him what the plan is if one is spotted and we need to take cover (he grabs the boy, I grab blankets and pillows, and we jump into the tub in the bathroom that's in the middle of our house, him on one end, me on the other and the boy in between). At the same time, though, movies like Twister and programs about storm chasers just fascinate me.

In 1990, another tornado swept through Xenia. Not nearly as big, but it still left its mark. I wasn't in town that night (although I was supposed to have been), but it brought all those old feelings back. It's almost like my hometown has some kind of curse on it.

Friday Grab Bag

On February 7, 1964, the day The Beatles arrived at New York's Kennedy Airport, Baskin-Robbins introduced a new flavor of ice cream called Beatle Nut to commemorate their first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show. The flavor consisted of pistachio ice cream with chocolate ribbons and walnuts.


Martial arts legend Bruce Lee, who starred in as Kato in the Green Hornet series and then in his own martial arts classics like Enter the Dragon was a cha-cha instructor in Hong Kong, and in 1958 at the age of 18 won the Hong Kong cha-cha championship.


The skull of 18th-century Austrian musical genius Joseph Haydn was stolen from his coffin a few days after his burial in 1809. The thief, a student of phrenology, passed it on to his friends. Eventually, the skull found its way to the Anatomical Museum in Vienna, where it remains today.

My suspicions have been confirmed. I work with 4 year olds. Since it was announced that I'd be moving to another department, the co-workers in my current department have increasingly been giving me the cold shoulder. Big babies. BUT if they have a question about something (normally because they didn't pay attention when I trained them on certain things), why they're just as sweet as honey when they interrupt me at my desk.

I think I've mentioned this before, but just in case... because my former (thank God!) supervisor is such a putz, I'm working 1/2 days for him and 1/2 days in my new department until the end of the month. This, of course, makes me feel un-productive in both departments, which drives me crazy.

I have fantasies of flipping them the double-bird and telling them all to fuck off when I'm finally able to pack up my desk and move.

Instead, I'm hoping to inflict some guilt by baking up a big basketful of cookies and taking them in on the day I move desks, to thank them for being such a good department to work with.

Well crap on a cracker. I've spent about $150 at the iTunes website today. But I got some good stuff... and it made me happy, if only for a little while (there's truly something to be said for retail therapy). I just hope K doesn't peruse the credit card bill too thoroughly next month.

So what's on my iPod now, you ask??

Some additional Sarah McLachlan, some older things of hers that I hadn't purchased yet.

Dido, who I'd never listened to before, until a lady I work with turned me onto her last week.

And I heard a very interesting story on NPR the other day about the South by Southwest annual music festival in Texas, so I found some of the artists featured in the story and bought some of their stuff.

And I made a big pot of chili today.

What a productive Sunday afternoon!

Holy neds, what a blogging dry spell. Where does time go? I just don't understand it. I constantly feel like I accomplish nothing, yet never seem to have enough time to get things done. Work, eat, sleep... work, eat, sleep... work, eat, sleep... you get the idea. Maybe I've avoided getting on here because I don't feel like I have anything good to say right now.

My mental state is iffy at best. I'm exhausted. I didn't think it was possible to be this tired. Getting to sleep is never a problem. The problem is staying asleep. I normally wake up, for no apparent reason, 2-3 times each night. I never reach that deep REM sleep that you need to feel really rested. This has been going on for months. Well, years really. 2 years to be exact. Since the boy was born. And it's amazing how much the lack of sleep can affect. Aside from feeling exhausted constantly, not getting the proper amount of sleep can affect blood sugar readings, and can affect efforts to lose weight. Yes, the two biggest things on my list of what needs to be taken care of right now. I saw the doctor week before last, and broke down and finally let him prescribe something to help with the sleep problem (although it has yet to really start working, but we'll see). I hate that. I hate having one more pill to take everyday.

I kind of started my new position as Case de Insurance this past Thursday (because Thursday was the beginning of a new pay cycle). Because my now-previous supervisor is an idiot and a pain in the ass, he worked out a deal with the new supervisor for me to work 1/2 days for him and 1/2 days for her until the end of the month, then I'll move to my new department full-time. I feel completely unproductive at work, which is very annoying.

And I'm irritated at home. K has been off work since February 3rd. He starts school (finally) on March 27. That's what, about 6 weeks off from work? And he had tons of time off from October to December of last year. He's had more time off in the last 4 months than I've had in the last 3 years. And has he really been doing anything around the house? Guess what the answer is to that question. Well I take that back. He does the laundry. Sometimes. Cleaning? No. Cooking? God forbid. He takes the boy to the park on days it's warm enough, and other days sits at the computer while the boy is watching either the Disney Channel or 'Elmo in Grouchland'. I'm sure the boy's brain is starting to atrophy. He'll end up going to vocational school for auto mechanics and living at home until he's 37. And, of course, K will not be working for the next 2 years while he's in school. He's very happy about that because it will give him so much time to spend with the boy. You know... I'd really like to have 2 years off to spend with my son, but that just ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

Hope you all are doing okay. I promise I'll have more positive things to say next time.

I've been remiss in my blogging duties, and I apologize for that.

I don't sleep very well at night. Getting to sleep is no problem, but something inevitably wakes me up - my husband snoring, the cat jumping on the bed - and after that I just toss and turn until the alarm goes off. I walk around with a permanent feeling of exhaustion. My father-in-law even commented not too long ago that I looked like I was in a daze. Gotta love those in-laws, between this from the father-in-law and my mother-in-law pointing out the dark circles around my eyes. They always know what to say to make me feel special.

The big news is that I'VE GOT A NEW JOB!!! Well, a new position, really. No, I'm not leaving the Casa de Insurance, just moving to another department. I'll be making a rather slow transition over the next 4 weeks to this new position. My current supervisor bargained for this so that I could train my replacement, which is fine. He was surprisingly good to me when it came to my year-end review for 2005 and my bonus for last year, so I'll throw him a bone before I go. Thankfully, the review and bonus were approved and signed before this job offer came about, otherwise I'm sure they would've been much different. That's the kind of person he is. And yes, this will mean saying goodbye to the woman that sits in the cubicle behind me. I'm sure I'll do some kind of farewell post, probably around the beginning of April. But don't despair. There are plenty of interesting folks in the department I'm moving to.

The Charles Schultz philosophy

I received this email as a FW: FW: FW: today.  Since Snoopy is the unofficial spokesperson for the insurance company I work for ( Hmmmm... did I give too much away?  Although let me make an important distinction by saying that I do not actually sell  the insurance.  I don’t think I could ever do that job!), the subject line piqued my interest.  Call me naïve.  Call me sappy.  This really made me stop and think when I read it.  I spend so much time focusing on what I think is wrong with my life, lamenting what I think I’ve been cheated out of because things haven’t gone according to the little ‘plan’ I made for myself when I was younger.  It’s so easy to get caught up in all of that self-pity and let it take over, pushing out the really good things.  I thought it was worth passing on.


Charles  Schultz  Philosophy

The  following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the  "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer  the  questions.  Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the  point.
  
1. Name the  five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the  last five Heisman trophy winners.  
3. Name the  last five winners of the Miss America.  
4. Name ten  people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.  
5. Name the  last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and  actress.  
6. Name the  last decade's worth of World Series winners.



  
How  did you do?

  
The point  is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no  second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause  dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and  certificates are buried with their owners.


Here's  another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a  few teachers who aided your journey through  school.  
2. Name  three friends who have helped you through a difficult  time.  
3. Name five  people who have taught you something worthwhile.  
4. Think of  a few people who have made you feel appreciated and  special.  
5. Think of  five people you enjoy spending  time  with.

Easier?
  
The lesson:  The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the  most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones  that care.
  
"Don't worry  about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in  Australia." (Charles Schultz)

So, I'm cruising around on Ebay the other night. I'm always amazed at what you can find on there.

And I run across this tie, pictured to the left. Nice looking necktie. 100% silk, according to the description. Put out by the Pfizer pharmaceutical company. Guess what? The little light blue ovals inside each square created by the wavy dark blue lines are..................

Viagra tablets!

The picture doesn't zoom in close enough to show whether or not the name Viagra is actually 'inscribed' on the tablets. I'm guessing it probably isn't. Which would mean that unless 1) you were familiar with what Viagra looked like and 2) you knew it was made by Pfizer (the label on the back of the tie does show the Pfizer logo) and 3) were smart enough to put 2 and 2 together, you probably wouldn't know what the little light blue ovals were.

Which is why I would LOVE to get this tie for several men I know... my brother, my father-in-law, and my brother-in-law. My brother is a minister, and has many occasions to wear neckties. My father-in-law is retired, and my brother-in-law is between jobs, so neither of them would really have much of a use for it.

But I sure would get a chuckle out of seeing any or all 3 of them wearing one of these. Is that wrong?

It's been 8 years today since my mom passed away. At the time, a woman I worked with was telling me that her dad had passed away 5 or 6 years before, she couldn't remember exactly when. That astounded me, because I thought this is a day, an anniversary I'll never forget. But I guess everyone's different. I found this photo strip in a box of things from my dad's house. It's from the Christmas of 1974. I was 5 years old. I think we went to Florida that year to see my grandparents over Christmas break.

I've heaped quite a bit of guilt and regret on myself concerning her death. I should've gone to see her more once I'd moved away from home. I should've been more insistent that she see a different doctor. I shouldn't have moved in with K before we got married. I could go on and on. It's taken a long time, but I think I've finally let most of that go.

Now, when I cry over it (which is still often, especially now that my dad is gone, too, and usually in my car when I'm alone), I miss her. I wish I'd appreciated her more while she was still here. She had her faults, no doubt about that, but she did the best she could. I wish I could take back the horrible things I said over the years, in the heat of arguments (Such as 'You're not my real mother, so you can't tell me what to do!' I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that one.). I wish she'd been around to see my son born, to have lived close enough to one of her grandchildren to see them regularly and be the kind of grandmother she dreamed of being.

I hope there is a heaven. And I hope I've done enough good things to get there one day. And when I get there, I hope I get to see her again, so I can tell her all these things I didn't take the time to say while she was still with me.

Martha Louise (Schneider) Love

August 16, 1934 - February 28, 1998

Monday

For the 4th time this morning, I am listening to the saga of the woman that sits in the cubicle behind me’s furnace going out this weekend.

I have my the volume of my headphones up so loud, to drown her out, that I think I’m risking serious eardrum damage. And I can still hear her.


OH





MY




GOD………………

Ah yes....................

For Christmas, the woman that sits in the cubicle behind me received a Barnes & Noble gift card from the woman that sit behind her, and I bet you'll never guess what she bought with it!

Yesterday, after the weekly Friday morning discussion of Thursday night's episode of Survivor, we got a chapter by chapter run down of this fine work. Apparently, is it absolutely riveting and if you only read one book in 2006, this should be it. Run out to your favorite bookstore now before all their copies are gone.

A quick note...

How very frustrated I feel at not being able to sit and write longer. I have several topics in my head that I'd like to expound on, but fixing dinner for my 2 yr old and 38 yr old children beckons.

Stay tuned...

Casa de Insurance Energy Conservation

We received this email yesterday afternoon from our building manager…



Good Afternoon Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Per the directive from XXXXXXX and XXXXXXX & XXXXXXXXX, the facility will begin an energy conservation program. A few weeks ago I sent an email to all regarding the limited lighting at the facility on the weekends. This week we have begun to eliminate one bulb in each light fixture, these are only in the fixtures that have three light bulbs in them. This will completed throughout the entire facility. It may take a bit to get used to, but the initiative is being taken throughout the entire portfolio. The end result will be extremely large amounts of energy and money conserved. Please feel free to contact me should you have any questions or concerns. I am hoping we can make this as positive as possible considering............

Thanks in advance for your tremendous cooperation !

Getting to know you...

This meme is the invention of the oh-so creative Pax... open to anyone who cares to answer the questions! As he suggest - if you answer them on your blog, leave a comment so I can check out your answers!


1: Black and White or Color; how do you prefer your movies? Depends on the movie. Some things are meant for b & w, like 'Good Night and Good Luck', or 'On the Waterfront', but I can't imagine lighthearted fare such as 'Pillow Talk' in b & w

2: What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death? My husband and his dad talking about playing cards

3: MP3’s, CD’s, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music? CD's right now, although my iPod is a very close 2nd.

4: You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going … ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run? No

5: Seriously, what do you consider the world’s most pressing issue now? The direction the US is headed in

6: How would you rectify the world’s most pressing issue? Electing a democrat in 2008

7: You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be? Getting my teaching degree, instead of just a BA in music

8: You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be? The bombing of the World Trade Center

9: A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole’ Opry – Which do you choose? Opera - love it, love it, love it!

10: What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you’d like to solve? The Lindbergh kidnapping.

11: One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal? Chaim Potok... and I make a mean lasagna

12: You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky: what’s the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact? Wow... there are so many things to choose from. It's almost impossible to pick just one.

Tuesday

Did I stay home from work again Tuesday?

Yes, yes I did.

Do I feel bad about it?

Not at all.

I will be the first to stand up and admit that I have a very bad attitude about my job right now, for reasons that extend beyond the woman who sits in the cubicle behind me. First, my boss is a fucking moron. Stupid and worthless is he. He has no business being a supervisor. We (the unit I work in) think the company is just shuffling him around until they find an acceptable reason to fire him. He's come close several times to be charged with sexual harrassment, and is known to have tried on at least one business trip to get the female co-worker traveling with him into bed. He has barely a vague clue as to what our department does. He's a schmoozer. When K met him, he told me later that Dave reminded him of a used car salesman. The sound of his voice sends chills up my spine in the same manner as fingernails on a chalkboard. My desk is about 10 feet diagnally outside his office, which apparently makes me his de facto assistant. There are times that he, rather than picking up the phone or walking the 10 feet to my desk, just shouts out my name if he needs to ask me something. I ignore him when he does this.

Second, the job I do seems very insignificant right now. I work for an insurance company. I rate and process policies that our computer system won't support. I push papers from one side of my desk to the other. It's very unsatisfying, but it's my lot in life right now. Somedays, though, it's just too much to deal with.

I really need a vacation.

Shhhhhhhhhhhh..... I'm playing hooky from work today. I just couldn't face it and decided about 6:30 this morning to take a mental health day. I can justify it by saying that this way, K had the chance to go to school and register for the evening classes he needs (today is the first day of registration) without having to worry about making arrangements for someone to be with W.T. Sure, the in-laws probably would've taken him, but we (read I) don't want to wear out our welcome with them. My f-i-l made the comment while I was pregnant that he didn't retire to become free baby-sitting for grandkids, and that has stuck with me (as things like that do).

It's weak, but it's all I've got.

Blah, blah, blah...

Well, I’ve survived the weekly Friday morning re-cap of Thursday night’s episode of Survivor. I’ll admit it… I do watch it occasionally, and I’m in the office pool. But who can pass up the chance to win $200 for just a $10 investment? I’ve endured a 30 minute discourse from, you guessed it!, the woman that sits in the cubicle behind me as she extolled the virtues of Neal Boortz and his ‘Church of the Painful Truth’ to the woman that sits across from her – one of her conservative AM radio converts. My putz that I work for supervisor is working from home today (hallelujah), and has finally put away his lap top because the barrage of emails from him has stopped.

Is it time to go home yet?

Everything seems to take so much effort right now.

Our darling boy’s monster side is showing itself more and more. Partly the terrible two’s, yes, but mostly (I think) from lack of sleep, since he won’t take a nap most days and averages probably 10-11 hours a night (where everything I’ve heard and read says they should get 12-15 hours per day, including a nap). My mother-in-law was even nice enough to point out the dark circles under his eyes one day, wondering if maybe he was coming down with something, and then wondering if maybe dark circles under the eyes were something hereditary, because she’d often noticed the dark circles under my eyes, too.

That made me feel warm and fuzzy.

K is wading through the red tape and bureaucratic crap-ola of getting his unemployment started, and trying to get approval for school through this TAA program that will pay for his tuition and books. Hurry up and wait… they told him at his appointment this past Wednesday that on March 1 he’ll sit down with the person that will be his contact at the unemployment/Job Center office. But we still don’t know if this will be the person that will approve his school program. Registration for the Spring quarter starts Monday. He’s going to register despite not knowing if he’s approved, to make sure he gets the classes he needs at the times he needs them (which means he’ll be at school 3-4 evenings each week, from 4pm until 8 or 9…). Apparently, as they get further into the medical assistant classes, they have to start wearing uniforms to school (to get used to them?). I think he’ll look cute in the scrubs…

And a bad winter storm is supposedly heading our way, so darn-it-all I may not be able to come in on Saturday morning to work overtime after all.

That would be a shame.

For the love of all things good and pure..... I'm speechless. And I think I need to move to a different state...

"Woman died of heart disease 2 1/2 years ago"

This just sums it up so beautifully today.... I wonder if my prescription plan would cover this?

It's February in Ohio...

… and February in Ohio means the return of the Friday night all-you-can-eat fish fries at the area Catholic churches. Note to my Catholic friends before moving on – this is in no way an insult to the Catholic church. Just wanted to make sure we were clear on that. These events are unbelievably popular in the sprawling metropolis of Dayton, OH among Catholics and non-Catholics alike. For usually $10 in advance, or $12 at the door, you can sit for 3-4 hours on a Friday evening and eat all the fish, fries and cole slaw you can handle. Not a bad deal. They also have games and silent auctions of items donated by people in the parish. We used to all go - the in-laws, brother & sister-in-law, K and I. We'd make a Friday evening out of it. One Friday night a few years ago, my sister-in-law went ga-ga bidding in one of the silent auctions... and that night she and my brother-in-law went home with a lovely red kayak for the reasonable price of $250. Do they kayak?

No.

I haven't been to a fish fry since. But K still goes to 2 or 3 each year with his dad and brother.

Now… have I ever mentioned how frugal my father-in-law is? (You had to see this coming… you must know by now that I will take each and every opportunity I can find to blog about the oddness that is my in-laws.) How can I put this nicely? The man knows how to pinch a penny. If pinching a penny would turn it into diamonds, my father-in-law would be the man to see. He rarely buys anything that isn’t on sale, and every time I see him, I get to hear about his latest shopping victory. When we went to his place for Christmas, there were 12-packs of diet Sierra Mist stacked in two rows in his garage – no joke – about 8 feet high. That’s a lot of Sierra Mist. But, what a deal! The store had them on sale 4-12 packs for $10, but you could also pick up a coupon for a $5 mail-in rebate, which meant you were getting them at 4-12 packs for $5, which meant you were getting them for $1.25/12-pack. We regularly get rebate checks, coupons, or gift cards in the mail, because he’s used our address to get an additional discount/rebate/coupon/gift card in some kind of promotion that is restricted to one offer per household. I’ve told him there’s a 10% handling fee for this, but he has yet to pay up.


And he loves fish.


So put 2 and 2 together here…


You’ve got it.


What’s the saying? In Spring, young men’s fancies turn to thoughts of love? February in Ohio turns my father-in-law’s fancies to thoughts of the fish fries. It's like an obsession.

He has a no-fail system to get the most value possible out of your fish fry experience:

Don’t eat anything the day of the fish fry.

Buy your ticket in advance, so that when you get there you don’t have to waste valuable time in the ticket line before getting into the fish line.

When you get to the fish, take two plates. If necessary, tell them one is for your wife/mother/uncle/whoever that’s already sitting down.

Fill your two plates only with fish. Don’t fill up on the unnecessary side-items such as French fries, cole slaw or baked beans.

If possible, get a beer from the beer table without giving one of your beer tickets to the person working the table. This way, you can get more beer without having to pay for additional beer tickets.

Bring and empty bread bag with you, but leave it in your jacket pocket (I swear on the graves of my parents, I am NOT kidding on this. I wish I were.). This bread bag will be used throughout the evening to sneak pieces of fish into, to be taken home and eaten the next day.

Does this leave you speechless? Staring at your computer screen thinking 'These people are absolutely nuts'?

Me, too...

This entire day has just had a strange feeling to it. Today's was K's last day at the vile manufacturing plant. As of 3pm this afternoon, they've shut their doors and locked the gates. This is a good thing in many ways, but it is bittersweet. He's been there over 9 years. And it's always more comfortable to leave a job because you're moving on to something better, not because they're going out of business. He is now officially a full-time dad. He's excited about that, and has enthusiastically volunteered to handle the potty training of our little darling. Who am I to argue? Wednesday he meets with a counselor for the Trade Adjustment Assistance program, which will pay for him to go to school full-time for up to 2 years, and collect unemployment at the same time. He's settling for a medical assistant's program at the local community college, which will eventually (hopefully) lead him to some sort of position in medical records management (long story short, the health records management program at the local cc has a 2 year waiting list, and he can't wait that long). He'd wanted to go into their environmental technology program, but apparently the T.A.A. counselor didn't think there was enough of a demand in this area for that degree.

These next 2 years are going to be stressful, to say the least. But we're used to that. I could give you quite a list of things we've been through since we met, but no one wants to hear me whine about our troubles. And it takes too much energy.

I ran across this today while cruising the net on my lunchbreak. I couldn't pass it up, and I hope no one finds it offensive.

And, or course, I have to comment...

1) It's stories like this that make me proud to be an Ohioan.

2) If you put something in your yo-hoo that isn't meant to be there, you deserve what you get.

3) Perhaps this will teach her a valuable lesson, and the next time she tries to pull something like this, she'll make sure the safety is on.